IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, say people have the freedom to make their own decisions. Discussion both views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary era,
people
Use synonyms
 are inclined towards adventurous
sports
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 sparked a debate where proponents argue that it should be banned
whereas
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 , others advocate that
people
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 should decide for themselves about the risk involved.
This
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 essay will explore both the views and as far as my opinion is concerned, I favour the latter statement.
To begin
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 with, the first perspective is that the the government should ban life-threatening
sports
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 like sky diving, river rafting etc. Many incidents have been seen in the recent past where
people
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 lost their lives because of
this
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 negligence.
For example
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 ,
last
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 month a boy lost his life
while
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 experiencing river rafting at Rishikesh because of lesser safety equipment. Though it was a rare case where thousands of
people
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 enjoy these
sports
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 every month without any harm, still
loosing
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losing
show examples
 a life is an important matter so the government should enforce strict validations on
such
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sports
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 to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality of safety.
On the other hand
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, youth should have the freedom to enjoy
such
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sports
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 without any limitations to explore the adventure involved. Young
people
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 enjoy the thrilling experience involved in
such
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 activities and love to create those lifetime memories.
For instance
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, many national and international breath-taking
sports
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 are available for
people
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 who want to take risks on their own worldwide.
Moreover
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, millions of
people
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 enjoy them and travel overseas for different
such
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 activities by their will.
This
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 conveys that
people
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 should own their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to enjoy every bit of it.
To conclude
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 , I would like to assert that, many adventurous
sports
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 do involve high risk and still
people
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 strive to enjoy
such
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sports
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 and like to create memories,
however
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 , I believe the government should enforce strict policies and validations to follow high standard security measures at the same time
people
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 should allow to enjoy these
sports
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 as per their own will.

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introduction
Consider providing a more nuanced introduction that presents the two sides of the argument in a clearer, more detailed manner.
body paragraphs
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples that are directly related to the topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay, allowing ideas and paragraphs to connect more smoothly with one another.
examples
Furnish your arguments with more specific and varied examples to clearly illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive.
conclusion
Work on the conclusion to summarize the main points more effectively and provide a clear statement of your opinion, reinforcing it with a strong final sentence.
style
Consistently maintain the formal register and style throughout the essay, avoiding informal phrases and contractions to keep the tone appropriate for the academic task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • risk assessment
  • legislation
  • adrenaline junkie
  • extreme sports
  • regulatory measures
  • personal autonomy
  • cultural significance
  • hazardous
  • injury prevention
  • public health expenditure
  • safety equipment
  • informed consent
  • liberty
  • thrill-seeking
  • paternalism
  • economic impact
  • heritage preservation
  • safety protocols
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