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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It's assumed that
Children
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 think can earn everything they want by hard working.
Overall
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, when
children
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 earn a target, their feelings and confidence are unbelievable, and can positively affect the development of their skills.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 probably have more stress and become angry when are not able to reach a target. In
this
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 assay, both views will be explored.
Initially
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, hard
work
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 is the best route for
children
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 to be more successful in their
future
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, so they would rather with over trying to achieve a variety of targets and prod themselves.
Moreover
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, childhood is the most important during the family cares about that a lot, and
thus
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children
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 try to gain confidence and be encouraged by their family.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 can inspire them to develop their skills.
For instance
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, one of my friends has a lot of confidence in every lecture between his classmates or even among older people, because of his mother's award and encouragement.
However
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,
this
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 situation can have some negative aspects.
On the other hand
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, hard
work
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 in the wrong route can be a negative point that every family should consider. Some
children
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 can be
genius
Correct your spelling
geniuses
show examples
 in crime and it stems from hard
work
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 at the time and brings double problems in the
future
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.
For example
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, some criminals invest their abilities in finding a way for criminal actions like stealing something from people.
Furthermore
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, some purposes can't be achieved easily by
children
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 and can bring some emotional damage that affects their health mind at present or in the
future
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.
To sum up
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,
children
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 with hard
work
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 can achieve a lot of success and satisfaction for their families.
However
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,
this
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 approach can be used in the wrong way which is very influential in the child's
future
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the points made are logically sequenced. Construct clear, well-developed arguments with logical connectors to ensure your essay flows from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. The introduction should clearly state the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed. The conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and restate your main argument without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and ensure they are directly relevant to the points being made. Use specific scenarios or personal experiences that clearly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of the statement in question.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully to ensure a complete response. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages with clear and comprehensive explanations, making sure they relate directly to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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