Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #iş #negatife #development

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Nowadays many

youngster

Change to a plural noun

youngsters

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tend

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tends

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to spend their valuable time on their smartphones, it is because

Remove the comma

apply

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development

Correct article usage

the development

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of digitalization very fast and affecting

ever

Correct your spelling

every

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part of

the

Change the word

their

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life. There are many

reason

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reasons

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behind

Change preposition

apply

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this

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situation and I find

this

Linking Words

development more

benefical

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beneficial

than

negative

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the negative

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sides, in the following paragraph I will examine my point of view and will give

detail

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detailed

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information. First of all, the reason for

over-usage

Correct article usage

the over-usage

show examples

of smart devices by youngsters

iş

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the social benefit that they provide.

The smartphones

Correct article usage

Smartphones

show examples

connected

with

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show examples

the internet

opens

Correct subject-verb agreement

open

show examples

Correct your spelling

many possibilities, from creating new friends to communicating with them over social media all over the world.

For instance

Linking Words

, a child in my neighbourhood chats with his friends for hours through social applications

such

Linking Words

as WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram and

also

Linking Words

spend

Correct subject-verb agreement

spends

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time playing video

games

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, playing video

games

Use synonyms

specially

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especially

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multiple

games

Use synonyms

isanother

Correct your spelling

is another

major reason for

this

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situation.

While

Linking Words

playing video

games

Use synonyms

online, they forget

timing

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the timing

show examples

and

studying

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study

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for their lessons.

However

Linking Words

, smartphones have

also

Linking Words

provide

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provided

show examples

curical

Correct your spelling

crucial

information and knowledge for pupils. It has developed some important social skills,

such

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as communication skills, teamwork and many more, by allowing them to work and play in groups, without the restriction of distance.

İn

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addition, children can learn through

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

by watching online videos and reading articles or sharing their knowledge, which ultimately helps them in their studies

as well as

Linking Words

language skills.

For example

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, whenever my niece requires to learn about something, he searches on the internet by himself and

find

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finds

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bunch

Add an article

a bunch

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of information.

Morever

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Moreover

, online teaching methods

applys

Correct your spelling

applies

in many schools recently,

Correct word choice

and it

show examples

helps to attend many

personel

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personal

personnel

development courses without going anywhere.

To sum up

Linking Words

, it is an undeniable fact that,

improvment

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improvements

in the digital platform and devices will be affecting all

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

of our life, even

tough

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though

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there are

drawbcaks

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drawbacks

, digitalization offers many benefits,

every

Correct word choice

and every

show examples

oppouse

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oppose

opposite

should supervise their children to use smart devices in a good manner and keep them away from

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

effects.

Submitted by nurullahgultekin3451 on Sun Dec 31 2023

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task achievement

Make sure you address all parts of the task. You need to also clearly outline if the increase in smartphone use by children is a positive or negative development. Additionally, make sure to balance your essay by exploring both sides of the argument thoroughly.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating a clear logical structure in your essays. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by an explanation and an example. Additionally, check your use of cohesive devices and try not to overuse them to ensure clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe that it is a waste of time ot read read newspapers and watch news on televison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that modern technology has brought people together but other say it has driven us apart. Discuss the both views and give your opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?