IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays, the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#differences #countries #people #media #trend
As technologies advance day by day,
people
 around the world are able to access content on the internet without any constraints. It means that a trend can be followed by all the netizens nationwide
that is
 impacting all of them following the same lifestyle at the same time,
hence
 some countries might lose their roots. I believe the drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon just balance the benefits.
This
 essay shall discuss both sides of the phenomenon. Each country has its own identity that makes its character and culture. These sorts of values teach them to live so they have become high morality humans.
For instance
, eastern culture taught
people
 to respect their parents even until they have become adults.
This
 makes them live harmoniously for a long time.
Moreover
, the teachings are not only beneficial for
people
 but
also
 for nature. The Bedouin
people
 are a prime example, they do not use any detergents so their bodies are still pure
as well as
 their river. These conditions are beneficial for both humanity and nature.
On the other hand
,
people
 who are exposed to trends on the internet intend to try new things,
such
 as detergent brands, foods, and ideas. Actually,
this
 can encourage them to become more innovative and smart as they can access knowledge on the internet.
However
, there are
also
 risks that they consume negative trends,
such
 as alcohol and free sex.
This
 should be controlled by the teachings of each ethnicity's rules. Both original cultures and trend waves can go hand in hand.
To conclude
,
people
 gravitating towards the same trend around the world may result in positive impacts, as long as it can be managed by the teachings of origin cultures.
Submitted by erniwbs on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure within your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before and that your argument progresses naturally throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Whilst your introduction and conclusion were present and helped to frame the essay, consider refining these sections to better summarize the main points and reiterate your argument more forcefully.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more focused and fleshed out examples. Universal examples that are relatable across various contexts would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the response to the task is complete by addressing all parts of the prompt thoroughly. This includes discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally and making a clear judgement about whether one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Your ideas were relevant but could be expressed more comprehensively. Strive for depth and detail in discussing each advantage and disadvantage to better inform the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. These examples help to illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: