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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animal which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree ?

#animals #danger #extinctions #people #humans
It is often argued that wild animals are going to
extint
Correct your spelling
extinct
 from
this
 world and only those who are beneficial for people should be captivated. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion and think that both endangered
as well as
 other animals should
me
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 given equal priority and protection. First of all, wild
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
 are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of a ecosystem and they have a
right
 to live safely in their territory . No humans have a
right
 to kill them for their use. There are
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
 whose population is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
diminishing
Correct article usage
a diminishing
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 rate
such
 as one-horned rhinoceros,
bengal
Change the capitalization
Bengal
show examples
 tiger, red panda, and so on.Yearly they are being killed by the predators for multiple purposes.
Instead
, they should be given more time and dedication to safeguard their lives.
However
, other
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
 should be looked after too.
Furethermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will be totally unfair if only
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
 whose skin and meat are important to humans are kept and we will not be able to show young generations about different
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
 that lived or existed before they were born.
In other words
, our children will be able to watch on their electronic devices but not in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 real world.
Similarly
, they are living
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
 of
this
 planet and have an equal
right
 to live like us
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. That's why it is crucial to maintain equal balance by placing and treating several nature
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
separtely
Correct your spelling
separately
.
To conclude
, as the number of
animlas
Correct your spelling
animals
are in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 decreasing order
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have a great role in
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 an
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they have a
right
 to live a life as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 do. And, we must be able to show
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation in their real life.
Submitted by suneel22.sn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your essay shows attempts at organization but lacks clear connectivity and progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introductions and conclusions are essential in IELTS essays and yours are present. However, they need to be clearer and more concise, forming a stronger framing for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but the development of ideas could be greatly improved with more detailed explanations and a deeper exploration of the implications. Make sure to expand on your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but your response must be fully developed and delve deeper into the subject matter. Make sure your essay fully completes the task by directly addressing the question and developing a reasoned argument.
task achievement
While your essay touches on the main ideas, it requires more clarity and the expression of comprehensive ideas. It would benefit from a stronger thesis and more explicit topic sentences in each paragraph.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples strengthens an essay. Incorporate concrete examples that are directly tied to your argument to support your claims effectively.
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