IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
People
 have different views about whether more activities should be done to hinder offence or less can be enough.
While
 some consider there is no need to spend
further
 energy on it, I am of the opinion that more actions are necessary. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that children tend to copy exciting scenes they watch on TV regardless of the quality of the action. They should be taught appropriate skills to identify and avoid copying misbehaviour.
Additionally
, individuals must be careful about themselves and try not to commit crimes. It is everybody's duty to keep himself away from illegality. It can be
therefore
 argued that there is a slight need for taking action against breaking rules and anybody can help himself with
this
 regard.
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that
people
 do not have sufficient information about how to prevent their children from going toward
crime
.
This
 data should be taught to students in school period and result in their adulthood.
Moreover
, younger generations need to learn special skills and memorise the ways they can refuse criminal suggestions.
According to
 what psychologists say, the ability to say "NO" is a major skill which everybody needs to achieve. So, the authorities must take necessary actions and plan for teaching
people
 in order to lessen committing
crime
.
Consequently
, despite some seeing less need for activities against
crime
, I believe that the more governments invest in informing
people
 about the diverse range of crimes and sentences, the fewer
people
 will hail to
crime
.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Your opinion was presented, but the discussion of both viewpoints needs more balance and depth. Offer clear reasons and detailed examples for each viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to enhance the flow of your essay. This helps in linking ideas more smoothly and making your arguments clearer to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or reasons. Transition words and phrases can also help to indicate connections between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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