IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools should involve students in school management. Do you agree or disagree with this idea, give reasons and examples supporting your answers

#people #schools #students #school #management #idea #answers
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At
this
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 time of the globe, the main educational
system
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 is
school
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.For decades of time,in
schools
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, there
are
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a
system
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 of boards that manage the
school
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.Some people believe that
schools
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 should get
pupils
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 to
management
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.In
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 below
paragaphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
paragraph
, I will discuss reasons before it
is coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 to a conclusion. On the one hand,It might be beneficial to involve
students
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
management
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due to
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 a vast number of reasons.First and foremost,Only
pupils
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 are aware of their
school
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's needs and
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 as
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students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
prespectative
Correct your spelling
perspective
and some
students
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 are dramatically shy to expand their thoughts to the
school
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 board or to the top heads who manage their
school
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.
For example
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 in 2007 St'jhone's College's computer lab needed faster and new technological laptops and other electric items,Hovever
due to
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students
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' shyness and lack of communication the lab remained as it was till 2008.
Moreover
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 based on
this
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senarrio
Correct your spelling
scenario
students
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 involved in
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management
Correct article usage
the management
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system
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 can
lead
Verb problem
have
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 to good understanding and communication with
schools
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 and
pupils
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.
On the other hand
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, adding
pupils
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 into
school
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management
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 can make
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 difference as well.
Firstly
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,It can be challenging for
pupils
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' educational
system
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due to
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 lack of time for studies.
Furthermore
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,inviting
students
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 into the
management
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system
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 can cause a lack of respect for
school
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 rules and regulations because
pupils
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 have already become the
pst
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
 of it.
Lastly
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,The majority of
schools
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 are to provide education on managing skills.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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with
Change preposition
apply
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my opinion,I strongly believe that
schools
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 restrict rules and run them by the
school
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.
However
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, to improve
students
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'
management
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 skills,
schools
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 can provide limited managing parts to
pupils
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nipunhasmitha97 on

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task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to cover both sides; however, the development of ideas is only partially effective. Specific examples are used, but they are not fully expanded or convincing. Task response can be improved by delving deeper into how student involvement in management could work and its potential impacts on school dynamics and learning outcomes. Including more detailed examples and explaining the reasoning behind them will strengthen the argument and provide a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay shows that an introduction and conclusion are present, and there is an attempt to organize the main points in a logical way. However, transitions between points can be smoother, and there is a need for better topic sentence formation. The essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing where each paragraph focuses on one clear idea, supported by cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow of information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stakeholders
  • collaboration
  • student representation
  • governance models
  • inclusive decision-making
  • empowerment
  • educational stakeholders
  • proactive engagement
  • leadership development
  • communication channels
  • administrative efficiency
  • participatory approach
  • responsibility
  • ownership
  • maturity
  • balance of power
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