IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some believe travel is overrated. People argue whether travel is or is not a component of a quality education. To what extent do you agree with it?

#believe #travel #people #component #quality #education
There is a debatable argument between
people
 who argue that
travel
 is not appropriate for
education
 purposes,
while
 others believe it is. I believe that
travel
 can be part of
education
 components if the destination is intended to do so, but it is still expensive for some
people
. So, I prefer to support a balanced perspective toward it.
To begin
 with,
travel
 requires spending a sum of money, and for some
people
 they cannot afford to pay for it. Normally,
people
 who cannot afford to
travel
 prefer to choose an alternative for cheaper options
such
 as conducting a field study, so that they only spend less.
However
,
travel
 for educational purposes might be great for learning history and sometimes conventional study
such
 as in class hardly provides the details about the materials.
That is
 the way
travel
 plays the role of giving a quality
education
.
On the other hand
,
travel
 is not the only way to acquire knowledge through visiting the sites in person. There are lots of different options that may be giving the same or even above level of quality
education
such
 as streaming services. Watching documentary movies about certain historical events,
for instance
, can be an option to deep dive the history with affordable prices rather than
people
 spending their time travelling on-site.
Besides
, visual effects and animation are a great help for increasing our experience
while
 we watch and they leave a
long-lastinglast
Correct your spelling
long-lasting
 memory. All in all,
travel
 can be a solution for learning certain subjects that require a person's presence.
Due to
 its expensive price,
however
,
travel
 is not for everyone and there are still lots of options as the replacement for cheaper ones
such
 as streaming services with more in-depth experience.
Submitted by pedrothedawn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should ensure that your main points directly address the essay prompt. While you have provided an opinion, you could have included a broader range of ideas and developed those ideas further to fully respond to the question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a basic logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to help the reader follow your argument more easily. Work on using a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • expands horizons
  • diverse cultures
  • open-mindedness
  • cultural appreciation
  • hands-on learning
  • historical locations
  • natural wonders
  • geography
  • independence
  • problem-solving
  • financial constraints
  • physical disabilities
  • contingent upon
  • virtual travel
  • immersive learning experiences
  • experiential learning
  • traditional classroom education
  • structured knowledge
  • theoretical foundations
  • environmental impact
  • air travel
What to do next:
Look at other essays: