IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

#visitors #ashdown #museum #year #surveys #visit #two #periods
The pie chart illustrates the number of individuals who visited Ashdown Museum a
year
 before and the
year
 after it was renovated. the pie chart is divided into five categories Very satisfied, Satisfied, Dissatisfied, Very dissatisfied, and No response. They compared the amount of people's satisfaction before and after the revolution. After analysis, it can be seen clearly that, during the
year
 before renovation the rate of visitors was 74000 people but over a
year
 after repair, it rose to 92000 people.
On the other hand
, the percentage of dissatisfied visitors plunged from 40% to 15%.
In addition
, the figure for very satisfied and satisfied soared from 15% to 35% and from 30% to 40% respectively.
Furthermore
. the proportion of very dissatisfied visitors dropped by 2 times from 15% to 5%.
Submitted by hadiashahid331 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure you provide a clear introduction, fully setting the context for the reader. It will act as a roadmap for what is to come.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a logical structure that guides the reader through your text with clear and sequential ideas, as your essay lacked a smooth flow of information.
Conclusion
Make sure to include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and relates them back to the task prompt. This was not very evident in your essay.
Complete Response
To fully address the task, ensure every part of the prompt is answered comprehensively, including both the number of visitors and their satisfaction levels. While you addressed both, you could integrate them more effectively.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Your essay could benefit from a clearer exposition of ideas, verbs, and deeper analysis, making it comprehensive and insightful.
Specific Examples
Work on incorporating specific examples that support each point you make regarding visitor numbers and satisfaction levels to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: