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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the end of year value for four major international money market indices in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.

The chart shows the end of year value for four major international money market indices in 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.
#year #value #four #money #market #indices
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The pie graph given delineates the ultimate value in a year of 4 main international money market indices, which stand for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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, the US, Korea and France, starting from 2005 to 2008. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be seen from the chart, all 4 indices witnessed an uptrend in the value of money markets. It is noticeable that throughout the period,
Dow
Correct article usage
the Dow
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 Jones
index
Use synonyms
 always took the lead
while
Linking Words
KOSPI
Correct article usage
the KOSPI
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index
Use synonyms
 stood in the lowest place. To be more precise, Dow Jones began at about 11000 points and kept rising until the year 2008. In spite of dropping sharply from nearly 14000 to under 9000 in that year, Dow Jones still recorded the highest score. In stark contrast, the score surveyed of
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
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 market
index
Use synonyms
 was under 2000 in 4 continuous years.
As a result
Linking Words
, its ranking was the lowest
amongst
Change preposition
among
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4
Correct article usage
the 4
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nations. Moving to FTSE 100, its registered data was rather steady. Beginning at roughly 6000, it peaked at nearly 7000 in 2007, but rapidly decreased right after that, at around 4000 in 2008.
Although
Linking Words
French
Correct article usage
the French
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 market
index
Use synonyms
 experienced the same tendency, in comparison, its data was slightly lower. Its peak was at around 6000 in 2007
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
then
Linking Words
 declined to more than 3000
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the period.
Submitted by weezel on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words index with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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