IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking websites such as facebook and instagram, have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree?

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In today's modern world, the internet has contributed the most to the way societies connect with each other.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that the usage of Facebook and
Instagram
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 could create a harmful impact towards individuals and society. I completely agree with
this
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 idea since social media needs
people
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's private data and the possibility of creating social construction is big. In order to own an account, an individual must register their full name, date of birth, address, job, phone number, and so on which are categorized as private information. Even though they are being ensured that the data is only for requirements matter, the safety of each user is not guaranteed. Several harmful problems on
such
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 platforms could easily caused,
such
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 as data manipulation and cyber crimes.
For example
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, a usual phenomenon in India is
where
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when
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 a hacker accesses someone's private account and
then
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 intentionally leaks all the information.
Furthermore
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, despite several features that Facebook and
Instagram
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 provide for success in social networking. Direct messages, posts, and comment sections are making
people
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 easier to look up to other
people
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's
lives
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 which may create a social misinterpretation.
For instance
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, we often see rich human beings showing off their glamorous
lives
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 on
Instagram
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, some
people
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 who are living in the opposite status would believe that they are allowed to share their
lives
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 on
Instagram
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 only if they have fancy
lives
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.
To conclude
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, to ensure the users' trust in social networking via Facebook and
Instagram
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, they need to upgrade their safety policy,
while
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 individuals should be more selective in consuming online content.

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the essay subject and your position, and ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are concise and effective. Although present, they could be better tailored to showcase the complexity of the issue and your stance.
supported main points
Support your main points with more developed examples and explanations. This will give more weight to your arguments and help to clearly illustrate your position on the topic.
complete response
For a higher score, your essay needs to fully address all parts of the task. It seems that while your position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more complex exploration of the topic with potential counterarguments and a broader range of examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph. Connect your ideas more explicitly and vary your linking words to enhance readability.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific and varied examples to support your points. The examples given are somewhat general and could be more detailed, providing more substantial support for your arguments.
logical structure
Ensure your essay has coherent organization with clear logical progression. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively. Your ideas should be logically ordered, but transitions could be smoother, and connections between ideas could be clearer.
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