Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #iş #negatife #development

There is an ever-growing perception nowadays that some

children

are glued to their

smartphones

, The main Contributor to

this

behaviour is the

parents

, because

children

usually mimic their fathers' actions, and I believe that

this

phenomenon is an absolute, negative development.

Firstly

, I would like to highlight the cause of

this

problem

This

;in my opinion; is

Parents

' behaviour, It is easily seen by everyone that we all nowadays tend to waste our time on mobile Phone applications like Facebook, Twitter and other social media apps which in turn reflects on our offspring who likely do the same. To illustrate I would prefer to reveal the conclusion of a Survey which said that 100 per cent of

children

do the

Same

Fix capitalization

same

show examples

things as their

Parents

Secondly

, of course,

smartphones

have various advantages, but those advantages are uncomparable to disadvantages,

In other words

smartphones

help

children

to develop their abilities, but

on the other hand

, they have made

children

's life more sedentary with much low

physial

Correct your spelling

physical

activities that lead to not only detrimental effects on youngsters' well-being

such

as obesity and diabetes but

also

affects their mental

fitnes

Correct your spelling

fitness

this

reduces blood supply to the brain. Looking

Change preposition

show examples

the past before

smartphones

were introduced, a study revealed that

children

were three times more active than kids nowadays, so it is advisable to cease these practices.

To conclude

children

nowadays are addicted deeply to their

smartphones

mainly because they, tend to duplicate their

parents

' doings,

this

is bad for their mental and physical health, but if they stopped these bad practices their health would ameliorate.

Submitted by moo.elnokrashy on Mon Jan 01 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and your position regarding the positive or negative impact of smartphone usage, in order to present a focused argument throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Provide a more balanced argument with specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing both sides of the argument (positive and negative impacts of smartphone use on children).

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring logical flow of information.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your conclusion should summarise the main points of your essay clearly, restating your position in a compelling manner that reflects the arguments made throughout your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this iş a positive or negatife development

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of fresh water. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many employers offer their employees gyms, sports club. Others believe that it is unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others feel that the circumstances of an offence should be taken into account when deciding on a punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have dissapeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this solution?

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.