Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is the positive or negative development?
With the current advancement of
Use synonyms
smartphones
technology, it attracts many users, especially Change the noun form
smartphone
children
, to use up their Use synonyms
time
every day. The main root cause of Use synonyms
this
habit is a lack of control from Linking Words
parents
to limit Use synonyms
children
's screen Use synonyms
time
. In my opinion, it leads to a negative development since physical fitness can be declined as Use synonyms
children
will find Use synonyms
smartphones
more appealing.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, the true premise why many Linking Words
children
get addicted to their Use synonyms
smartphones
is Use synonyms
parents
who do not restrict the daily usage rate. Use synonyms
This
issue can appear because many Linking Words
parents
utilize Use synonyms
smartphones
as Use synonyms
a companion agents
for their kids Correct the article-noun agreement
a companion agent
companion agents
while
they are away for work. Take me as an example. Since my mom is an exceptional workaholic, she does not have enough Linking Words
time
to control my screen Use synonyms
time
and she tends to give me extra allowance since she cannot provide me with other alternative entertainment. Use synonyms
As a result
, with no adequate restriction from our closest people, it makes Linking Words
children
spend their hours on phones.
Use synonyms
This
tendency can lead to a bad effect. Linking Words
Children
who Use synonyms
allocate
their whole seconds on Verb problem
spend
smartphones
will increase their chance of becoming obese. Use synonyms
This
happens as kids refuse to move their bodies frequently, Linking Words
hence
the calorie intake and fat-burning rate will be unbalanced. Linking Words
For instance
, 90% of the total Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
populations
in America are obese and research states that the main contributing factor is the inclination to choose online games on Fix the agreement mistake
population
smartphones
rather than outdoor activities. Use synonyms
This
is Linking Words
a concrete evidence
about how excessive Remove the article
concrete evidence
a piece of concrete evidence
a shred of concrete evidence
Use synonyms
smartphones
usage can lead to a bad consequence.
Change the noun form
smartphone
To sum up
, many Linking Words
children
spend their whole seconds on their phones. Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
parents
' control can be a reason for Use synonyms
this
problem, I believe Linking Words
this
trend is able to foster a bad impact on Linking Words
children
's health status.Use synonyms
Submitted by aidafathiaa on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a clear and cohesive structure in your essay, beginning with an introduction that lays out the topics you will be discussing. Then proceed with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, providing strong and relevant examples to support your points. Lastly, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt, including why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. Use well-developed paragraphs to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively, providing specific examples to demonstrate your points adequately. Avoid overly broad statements and instead focus on clear, specific arguments throughout your essay.