Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is the positive or negative development?
With the current advancement of
smartphones
technology, it attracts many users, especially Change the noun form
smartphone
children
, to use up their time
every day. The main root cause of this
habit is a lack of control from parents
to limit children
's screen time
. In my opinion, it leads to a negative development since physical fitness can be declined as children
will find smartphones
more appealing.
To begin
with, the true premise why many children
get addicted to their smartphones
is parents
who do not restrict the daily usage rate. This
issue can appear because many parents
utilize smartphones
as a companion agents
for their kids Correct the article-noun agreement
a companion agent
companion agents
while
they are away for work. Take me as an example. Since my mom is an exceptional workaholic, she does not have enough time
to control my screen time
and she tends to give me extra allowance since she cannot provide me with other alternative entertainment. As a result
, with no adequate restriction from our closest people, it makes children
spend their hours on phones.
This
tendency can lead to a bad effect. Children
who allocate
their whole seconds on Verb problem
spend
smartphones
will increase their chance of becoming obese. This
happens as kids refuse to move their bodies frequently, hence
the calorie intake and fat-burning rate will be unbalanced. For instance
, 90% of the total children
populations
in America are obese and research states that the main contributing factor is the inclination to choose online games on Fix the agreement mistake
population
smartphones
rather than outdoor activities. This
is a concrete evidence
about how excessive Remove the article
concrete evidence
a piece of concrete evidence
a shred of concrete evidence
smartphones
usage can lead to a bad consequence.
Change the noun form
smartphone
To sum up
, many children
spend their whole seconds on their phones. While
parents
' control can be a reason for this
problem, I believe this
trend is able to foster a bad impact on children
's health status.Submitted by aidafathiaa on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a clear and cohesive structure in your essay, beginning with an introduction that lays out the topics you will be discussing. Then proceed with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, providing strong and relevant examples to support your points. Lastly, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt, including why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. Use well-developed paragraphs to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively, providing specific examples to demonstrate your points adequately. Avoid overly broad statements and instead focus on clear, specific arguments throughout your essay.