Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is the positive or negative development?

#children #hours #phones #case #development

With the current advancement of

smartphones

Change the noun form

smartphone

show examples

technology, it attracts many users, especially

children

, to use up their

time

every day. The main root cause of

this

habit is a lack of control from

parents

to limit

children

's screen

time

. In my opinion, it leads to a negative development since physical fitness can be declined as

children

will find

smartphones

more appealing.

To begin

with, the true premise why many

children

get addicted to their

smartphones

parents

who do not restrict the daily usage rate.

This

issue can appear because many

parents

utilize

smartphones

a companion agents

Correct the article-noun agreement

a companion agent

companion agents

show examples

for their kids

while

they are away for work. Take me as an example. Since my mom is an exceptional workaholic, she does not have enough

time

to control my screen

time

and she tends to give me extra allowance since she cannot provide me with other alternative entertainment.

As a result

, with no adequate restriction from our closest people, it makes

children

spend their hours on phones.

This

tendency can lead to a bad effect.

Children

who

allocate

Verb problem

spend

show examples

their whole seconds on

smartphones

will increase their chance of becoming obese.

This

happens as kids refuse to move their bodies frequently,

hence

the calorie intake and fat-burning rate will be unbalanced.

For instance

, 90% of the total

children

populations

Fix the agreement mistake

population

show examples

in America are obese and research states that the main contributing factor is the inclination to choose online games on

smartphones

rather than outdoor activities.

This

a concrete evidence

Remove the article

concrete evidence

a piece of concrete evidence

a shred of concrete evidence

show examples

about how excessive

smartphones

Change the noun form

smartphone

show examples

usage can lead to a bad consequence.

To sum up

, many

children

spend their whole seconds on their phones.

While

parents

' control can be a reason for

this

problem, I believe

this

trend is able to foster a bad impact on

children

's health status.

Submitted by aidafathiaa on Mon Jan 01 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Consider using a clear and cohesive structure in your essay, beginning with an introduction that lays out the topics you will be discussing. Then proceed with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, providing strong and relevant examples to support your points. Lastly, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay without introducing new information.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt, including why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. Use well-developed paragraphs to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively, providing specific examples to demonstrate your points adequately. Avoid overly broad statements and instead focus on clear, specific arguments throughout your essay.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is the positive or negative development?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The percentage of overweight children in westrn society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are done by robots. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays an increasing numbers of profession such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can done to solve this.

When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parent. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The main purpose of public libraries should be to provide books. Public libraries should not spend their limited resources on computer software, videos, or DVDs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?