IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, part of
the
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 people argue that the internet makes it so easy for pupils to access facts,
schools
Correct word choice
that schools
show examples
 should not focus on teaching facts.
others
Capitalize word
Others
show examples
 believe they should focus on improving
children
Use synonyms
's
skills
Use synonyms
 and their connection with others.I completely agree with the second statement. The following paragraph will discuss. On the one hand, If we use the Internet we can easily do our
work
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 that changes teaching styles.because we like to easy way to use. So we are focusing on technical teaching methods and tools.
For example
Linking Words
, these days, usage of physical
work
Use synonyms
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
. Because new high-level technology
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 to create robots.that replace
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
Use synonyms
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and teaching methods. Most of the students will adapt
that
Change preposition
to that
show examples
. Other facing problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, that will create
unemployment
Correct article usage
an unemployment
show examples
 problem.after years it will bad effect on our
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, student's
skills
Use synonyms
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 and connection with other people are more important. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 our knowledge and our abilities are including
skills
Use synonyms
. That can create
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
 future very well.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
 can put
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 without worry. Nowadays, employers focus on
children
Use synonyms
's
skills
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, degree or teaching facts are not
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
. Only consider pupils'
skills
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other people's
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very important in study life. That will create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support and
interesting
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 to study and that can decrease depression and
also
Linking Words
 study without depression. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
's
skills
Use synonyms
 development is very important.so will must consider that.
Also
Linking Words
 will build good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between teachers and
children
Use synonyms
. That can help to achieve their goal
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
.
As well as
Linking Words
 that can create a good life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The introduction does not effectively paraphrase the prompt or state a clear thesis, and the body paragraphs are not well-developed with clear topic sentences or transitions. Ideas should be organized logically with appropriate paragraphing.
task achievement
Task response is limited. The essay does not fully address the prompt, as it fails to sufficiently explore the significance of facts in education. It is essential to directly respond to the extent of agreement or disagreement with clear explanations and to provide relevant examples where appropriate.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: