Nowadays, the increasing number of schools in Vietnam are facing with the alarming issue, school violence. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
In
the
recent years, there has been a noticeable trend where Correct article usage
apply
violence
is becoming an alarming phenomenon in a large number of schools
in Vietnam. This
issue calls for resonably
explained causes and immediate remedies to alleviate the problem.
There are two major aspects that lead to greater Correct your spelling
reasonably
violence
. First and foremost, the increasing number of violent contents
on the Internet attracts lots of Fix the agreement mistake
content
students
. The advances in technology make it more effortless for young students
to find and enjoy these types of channels these days, which may have affected their ways of behaviors
violently and aggressively. Replace the word
behaving
For instance
, action movies or fighting games encourage the competence and battle spirit among students
, which may translate into real-life ambition and the needs
to battle and fight for achievement in real life. Fix the agreement mistake
need
Moreover
, lack of politeness and respect in behavior
is another important cause. To explain, Change the spelling
behaviour
students
who find themselves being
in Verb problem
apply
higher
class than others have a tendency to look down on other classmates and make use of physical strength to be dominant. These Add an article
a higher
students
often spread negative
atmosphere and Correct article usage
a negative
is
full of hatred or jealousy when seeing an exceptional student; Change the verb form
are
therefore
, they will bully this
student to feel satisfied.
Fortunately, we have come up with some measures to address this
issue. One of the most vital roles belongs to the care from
Change preposition
of
schools
and parents. Both of them should work together so as to keep the student’s usage of social platforms under control. In this
way, students
are able to be exposed to useful programmeswithout
worrying about the threat from negative ones. Correct your spelling
programmes without
programme without
Furthermore
, education on emotional responses and polite behavior
ought to be advocated among Change the spelling
behaviour
schools
, so that students
will understand the limitations of their anger and know how to control tehir
temper rightly. Correct your spelling
their
As a result
, this
enables all students
to act respectively when having arguments with classmatesand
work out a way to maintain the relationship without Correct your spelling
classmates and
classmates
violence
.
In conclusion, the causes of dramatic school violence
consist of two main sites: the growth in violent contents
and lack of respect in communication. It is recommended that Fix the agreement mistake
content
schools
and parents should cooperate to improve the cyber environment for their childrenand
place great value on Correct your spelling
children and
mentaleducation
and Correct your spelling
mental education
dental education
behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
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introduction conclusion present
You have addressed the topic with an appropriate introduction and conclusion, which aids in creating a complete framework for your essay. However, for a higher score, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement that clearly outlines the causes and solutions you will discuss.
logical structure
You have organized your ideas into paragraphs, which is good. However, the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs can be improved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better signal the relationship between ideas.
supported main points
You have provided main points that are relevant to the prompt. To strengthen your arguments, consider developing your ideas further with more detailed explanations and a wider range of complex sentence structures.
complete response
You gave a complete response to the prompt, but there is room for improvement in exploring the task more deeply. For a higher score, ensure that all parts of the task are fully developed and substantiated with more specific details and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay provides clear ideas, but to achieve a higher score, you would benefit from developing your ideas more comprehensively. This can be done by delving deeper into the causes and the implications of these causes, as well as expanding on the proposed solutions with concrete examples or evidence of their effectiveness.
relevant specific examples
While you have included relevant examples, try to give more specific and varied instances that directly support your arguments. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay and show the examiner you can provide concrete evidence to back up your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example