In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
It has been observed that
children
with diverse cultural backgrounds are raised believing everything is possible to happen by trying hard in life. While
there are some disadvantages associated with this
message, I believe the main benefits are more substantial.
On the one hand, a potential drawback may be the fact that some children
would become perfectionists as they become adults. They may expect themselves to carry out every single thing impeccably in their both personal and professional life so as to become accomplished. In fact, they are not aware that not everything in life depends on their efforts and there are several other factors affecting their achievements. As a result
, they might become highly depressed if they fail to do something, or even if everything does not go as they want.
On the other hand
, a primary advantage of growing with this
mindset for children
is that they will be encouraged to start everything they want fearlessly. Every youngster dreams about numerous things as they are growing, but in the future, since they put limits on their thoughts, few of them will go for what they truly want. However
, if they become self-assured, they will not see the barriers and consequently
, they think bigger in a way nobody can, and they will pursue what they are capable of, although
it may seem impossible for anybody else.
On balance, it is true that telling children
they are capable of achieving every goal, would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances. However
, in my opinion, the positive impacts in terms of improving their self-assurance as well as
following their dreams, override the drawbacks.Submitted by mahtab.motevallian on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the logical structure of your essay is maintained throughout by employing clear topic sentences and coherent paragraphs. Some points could be better developed to enhance the clarity of argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, they could be made more impactful by succinctly summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in a more compelling manner.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main ideas are supported, but there is room for improvement in making arguments more persuasive by including more specific examples and evidence.
Task Achievement
You have completed the task, but ensure that each part of the question is addressed equally to sustain a balanced argument.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive; however, deepen your exploration of these ideas by discussing them in relation to the question in more detail.
Task Achievement
While relevant, examples provided are generic. To strengthen your essay, incorporate more specific examples that are directly related to the arguments being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.