IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people think that
first
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the first
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child
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 should come the their family in when they are mature
old
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and old
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.
This
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 idea has become
spreaded
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spread
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 in all over the world and it has
bring
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brought
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 along some negative and positive situations. I partly agree with
this
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 opinion and I will explain my perspective with some
example
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examples
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 and more details. First and foremost, in modern times, many
women
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 work all their lives and start their
career
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careers
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 at an early age. These
women
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 do not want things which are
obstacle
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obstacles
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for
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to
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 their career and
life
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 balance.
Furthermore
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, they think
about
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apply
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that, having a
baby
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 is significantly responsible and
require
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requires
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 interest during all
life
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for
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this
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 reason the
women
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 postpone
this
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 idea and they consider that the correct time is approximately
thirtyfive
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thirty-five
thirty five
 or forty years old for
have
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having
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 a infant.
However
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,
this
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 opinion show a like true, it
have
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has
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 considerable problems
such
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 as
generation
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the generation
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 gap, old
mother
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mother's
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 body problems,
low
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and low
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 patience
for
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among
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 parents. These issues can not
repair
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be repaired
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 after birth.
For example
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, a mother who has her first
child
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 at the age of forty cannot do
this
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 activity with her
child
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 15 years later because she will complain of muscle pains when her
child
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 wants to ride a bicycle with her, and the absence of these activities that will benefit the
child
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's development creates a sad result for both of them.
On the other hand
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, parents who have a late
baby
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 may be more caring towards their children.
This
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 is because they have already reached the career step they have targeted in their working
life
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 and have more time to spare for their children.
For instance
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,
according to
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conducted
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by Cyprus University poll, it has been found that
women
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 who become mothers later in
life
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 feel more financially comfortable and are much more grateful and happy when they have a
baby
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. In conclusion, being a late parent has some advantages
as well as
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 disadvantages.
Although
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 it is very difficult to decide when the right time
, in
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is, in
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 my opinion, both parents should have a
baby
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 when they are mature enough to be responsible, not later or earlier.

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task achievement
The essay provided a response that addressed parts of the task, but there could have been a more thorough exploration of reasons, advantages, and disadvantages. Both sides of the argument need to be discussed in more depth to provide a comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, but they need to be clearer and more precise. Effective paraphrasing of the question and a clear thesis statement in the introduction can enhance the essay's effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but lack full support and development. Additional examples and deeper analysis would make the arguments more convincing. Aim to use specific, detailed examples related to the question to illustrate your points and make your essay more impactful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Shift
  • Trend
  • Societal norms
  • Education and career
  • Financial stability
  • Reproductive technologies
  • Delayed marriages
  • Parenting responsibilities
  • Life expectancy
  • Family planning
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