IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries around the world, men and women are having babies late in life. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Recently, humans will think about having babies until they are ready, more often than not it happens in their late 30s. There are several premises that lead to
this
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 phenomenon and I believe that principle will either bring some benefits or drawbacks to its individual and a country.
To begin
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 with, building a new family needs a huge amount of funds.
However
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, the economic crisis and uncertain conditions impede young people to move forward for their next stage of life. These cases can be seen in Indonesia where the price of essential groceries is being played by the stakeholders,
furthermore
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, the massive and unpredictable lay-offs are always threatening millennials and Gen-Z.
Therefore
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, these generations are now more concerned about pursuing their personal accomplishments
such
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 as education, business or career. Whilst it is unarguable that having a high awareness about the responsibility of having children, developing emotional and financial maturity can improve the family's well-being.
However
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, on the other side, it will create a profound effect if the delay is done by a large number of people as it can lead to underpopulation and the shortage of a national workforce.
For example
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, Korea
as well as
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 Japan are facing a birth rate crisis
while
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 the ageing population rises significantly, forcing them to accept migrants as their country's manpower. In conclusion, there are several reasons for youngsters to have babies earlier, most of them because of the economic factor. That being said, they tend to delay having a big family and achieve their individual happiness. Improving awareness of having a high quality family can create a high quality society
however
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 it can lead to population scarcity.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the structure of the essay. This helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points, particularly regarding the implications of late parenthood. This would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion of positive and negative aspects of late parenthood more evenly to enrich your analysis.
task achievement
Your essay presents a well-organized argument with identifiable reasons for late parenthood, showcasing a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have made a strong point about economic factors influencing family planning, which is relevant and insightful.
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