IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It may be a problem for car drivers and cyclists to share the same road. What are the problems and how to improve the situation?

#car #drivers #cyclists #road #situation
It is a great issue that
car
 drivers and
cyclists
 have been facing unprecedented challenges
while
 sharing the same
road
.
This
 essay shall look into the problems of
this
 phenomenon, and suggest some measures to ameliorate
this
 situation. There are a variety of issues created by
car
 drivers and
cyclists
 during the use of the common
road
.
Road
 safety is the first concern for any developed urban areas which is why city planners are focused on making separate
roads
 for the
car
 drivers and
cyclists
.
However
,
due to
 the lack of planning by the concerned department, all types of vehicles like cars and cycles do not have any separate
roads
 in the metropolitan area.
As a result
, traffic congestion has been increasing at an alarming rate and city-dwellers
also
 have been suffering from
this
.
Furthermore
,
road
 accidents increased a lot in recent times because of having common
roads
 for all the modes of transportation systems.
Therefore
, a number of people lose their lives every year in the
road
 accident. There is one effective solution to address these problems. One possible solution is to make a long-term city development plan by the government, especially for making a separate
road
 for
cyclists
 and the main
road
 for other public transportation
such
 as cars, buses etc. If the government takes the initiative to develop a separate
road
,
then
 the collision between the
car
 and cycle will be reduced in a significant way.
On the other hand
,
cyclists
 will be encouraged to use separate
roads
, and
this
 will lead to a decrease in the number of fatalities
as well as
 traffic congestion on the main street.
To sum up
, since the uses of the same
road
 have been creating a lot of issues as discussed above, making a separate
road
 by the concerned department will play a vital role in improving
this
 situation.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You have attempted to organize the essay correctly, with an introduction, body, and conclusion; however, the progression of ideas could be improved. Paragraphs should be more logically sequenced with clear topic sentences and follow-up sentences that expand on the idea presented. Transitions between paragraphs could be made smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your response addresses both the problems and solutions regarding car drivers and cyclists sharing the road, but it lacks detailed development. To improve, ensure that each main point has specific examples and elaboration to fully convey your ideas. The response needs to cover all aspects of the prompt comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: