IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, very few young people are willing to do unpaid community services (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sport to younger children). What problems might this cause? What do you think is the best way to solved these problems?

Nowadays, the majority of youngsters are not keen on engaging in volunteer community work.
While
Linking Words
 there are a number of reasons for
this
Linking Words
, the situation can be improved by improving awareness and encouragement. One factor contributing to being reluctant to perform in non-paid activities is that young people do not have any information about the opportunities of that kind of activity,
such
Linking Words
 as charities, and the importance of
neighbourhood
Correct article usage
the neighbourhood
show examples
. Many young people do not understand what group volunteerism is and how vital they are.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they think that social programs are only about giving money. In reality, there are
also
Linking Words
 other things that can make a big difference,
for example
Linking Words
, giving time and energy. Lack of encouragement is another reason.
As a result
Linking Words
 of not encouraging the idea of involving local events, youngsters focus on more academic success and are not familiar with the value of these activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without any motivation, they feel no strong reasons to incorporate with those kinds of programs. A number of steps can be taken to mitigate these problems. The first of them is enhancing insights about how valuable these collective efforts are. With clear knowledge and guidance, they can take their first steps toward becoming a volunteer. These circumstances can
also
Linking Words
 be better by inspiring youth, namely by elders. As they have a great influence on teenagers' lives, with their help and motivation , adolescents can easily comprehend the significance of neighbourhood projects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, providing support from families and communities, younger generations can be easily inspired to help others. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many adults refuse to take part in public services
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of understanding and motivation, these challenges can be overcome by showing the significance of these services and providing strong support, particularly from families and communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You clearly understand the task and address the issues well. However, you could add more specific examples of volunteer opportunities to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Sometimes your points could be clearer if you focused more on linking them explicitly back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets up the topic well and clearly states the main idea. This helps guide the reader through your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: