IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this, do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In the modern age, companies put great emphasis on the uniqueness of their
products
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. Given that
this
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 strategy is pursued to trigger individuals' intrinsic curiosity and to make themselves bold in the market, it is highly constructive for the intellectual and economic development of society.
This
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 phenomenon is often a virtue of two reasons. One of them is to stimulate
people
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's intrinsic desire to explore the unknown which persuades them to buy their
products
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.
This
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 adherence is because
people
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 long to explore goods that suggest a more comfortable life
such
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 as robotic vacuum cleaners.
Consequently
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, the strategy would prove lucrative for their business.
Secondly
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, corporations strive to broadcast their goods' novelty as it sets them apart from their rivals, going a step
further
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 in a fiercely competitive business.
This
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 boldness results in capturing significant public attention which enhances their revenue. To illustrate, a renowned cookie manufacturer in Iran once declared adding marshmallows to its cookies and since
people
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 hadn't tried
this
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 type before, the company's sales skyrocketed in less than a year, highlighting the effectiveness of
this
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 method. The results of
this
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 way of advertising come to society's advantage in various ways. By introducing more new commodities to communities, the demand for even more unique
products
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 rises enormously.
Subsequently
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,
people
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's innovation would be triggered, aiming at discovering more about unfamiliar fields.
This
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 stimulated curiosity prompts students to study and conduct more research
instead
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 of adhering to old topics, contributing to a sense of productivity and fulfilment on a societal level.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 situation entices other businesses to manufacture new
products
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 as well, most of which may be worth exporting to other nations;
therefore
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, the country's global economic status would be boosted. Take Iran as an example; where a company once introduced a new tracking step device and whilst many computer students followed to design other ones, Europe and India bought a substantial number of the device.
To conclude
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, companies consider emphasizing the newness of their good to trigger individuals' desire to explore the unknown and to win in a competitive market.
This
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 phenomenon contributes to more
people
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 longing to discover and more manufacturers producing new commodities, making it an absolutely positive development.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does an excellent job in providing a logical structure and clearly delineating the introduction and conclusion. However, make sure to tighten your examples by ensuring they are as specific and relevant as possible. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported by specific and relevant examples. This will add strength and clarity to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure, and your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, summarizing your main points well.
task achievement
Your main ideas are clear and comprehensive, with a good attempt to provide relevant examples to support them. The depth of your analysis shines through.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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