IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think cars are a better way of transportation around the city, while other prefer cycling. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #cars #transportation #city
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, there are a variety of vehicles
such
 as
cars
, bicycles, and trains which allow
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
use in order to commute around the
cities
.
However
, some
people
 think
automobiles
 are a better way of transportation if they travel in their
cities
while
 others tend to be cycling.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, there are several reasons why citizens prefer
cars
 rather than cycling around the
cities
. There is no denying that some
cities
 have a large size;
for
this
 reason,
people
 tend to drive because it is more convenient and faster than cycling.
For example
, in some big
cities
, when individuals want to go somewhere which is far from them, they should select
cars
instead
 of biking so as to save their time.
Moreover
, some nations do not have a way for bicycles which makes it impossible to ride them.
On the other hand
,
although
 using
automobiles
 is comfortable for citizens, it can bring about environmental problems
such
 as air pollution or global warming. It is obvious that
cars
 will release gases like CO2
while
 bikes are free from toxins.
Furthermore
, bikes do not rarely have payments
whereas
automobiles
 have a lot of bills
such
 as repairments, insurance, and fuel.
Nevertheless
, nowadays, there are hybrid
cars
 or
automobiles
 without use fuel, reducing toxins and the cost of fuel. In conclusion, I strongly believe that car is a good choice for
people
 who need to travel surrounding the urban.
Submitted by champperkhu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay shows potential in structure but lacks clear logical progression in some places. To enhance the logical flow, make sure each paragraph naturally follows the previous one, with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are included but could be more clearly defined with stronger thesis statements and summarizations of the main points, reflecting the discussion in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is well-explained with clear reasoning, and consider improving the essay by adding more complex sentence structures. Also, ensure that all main points are fully developed and clearly relate back to the essay prompt.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, yet it feels incomplete because it lacks a personal touch. Your opinion is asked for but only thinly expressed. Make sure to directly address the essay prompt by providing a clear and definitive statement of your view.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but need to be expressed more comprehensively. Expand on your ideas by explaining them more thoroughly and showing how they relate to the question. Additionally, avoid overly simplistic statements and strive for more depth in your analysis.
task achievement
Relevant examples are crucial for illustrating your points. Incorporate more specific, concrete examples to better support your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: