IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The illustration below shows the plans of a public
park
 when it was
firstly
Change the word
first
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 opened in 1920 and the same
park
 today.
Overall
, as seen on the plan today, there were major changes that took place. The
entrance
 of the
park
 remained on
eldon street
Correct your spelling
Eldon Street
show examples
 but the seats which were on the left of the
entrance
 were destroyed and the
rose
garden
 in the north of the
Rose
garden
 was cleared. The fountain in the centre of the
park
 was demolished and has been transformed into a
Rose
garden
 surrounded by seats. The
entrance
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Arnold Avenue is still there. Today an
entrance
under ground
Correct your spelling
underground
show examples
 car
park
 was added on the right of the Eldon Street
entrance
. The
grasshouse
Correct your spelling
glasshouse
grass house
 was knocked down and converted
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a water feature. In the north of the water feature, the pond for water plants was removed and reconstructed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a children's play area.
Also
, the
rose
garden
 next to
pond
Add an article
the pond
show examples
 for plants was converted to a cafe.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you address all elements of the prompt. While you did summarize the changes, more detail could have been included to fully represent the comparison between the park in 1920 and today.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your response shows some organization but could benefit from clearer logical structuring. Linking phrases and topic sentences should be used to guide the reader seamlessly from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
To support your main points, provide clear examples and elaborate on them. Use specific details wherever possible to enrich the description and comparison between the old and new park plans.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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