In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problem might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

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It is predicted that, by 2050, the percentage of the

population

aged 65 or older will have risen significantly in some places.

This

is likely to cause problems for the countries concerned, and finding a solution will not be easy. There are several problems caused by an ageing

population

Firstly

, as most people retire in their 60s,

this

means that fewer people will be working, and

therefore

fewer people will be paying income tax. With insufficient

taxes

to draw on, the governments of these countries will struggle to provide essential services unless they increase

taxes

significantly. Because of

this

, the biggest impact is likely to be felt by the shrinking proportion of the

population

that is

, those aged 15 and younger. When they become adults, they will need to work much harder to support the growing number of elderly

as well as

paying

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

higher

taxes

. In fact, many may decide to leave these countries altogether, which is likely to exacerbate the problem and increase the decline.

Thus

, the consequences of an ageing

population

will be

far reaching

Add a hyphen

far-reaching

show examples

. When it comes to finding a solution, changes need to be made now. To increase the number of children being born, financial incentives could be offered to families to encourage them to have more children or to move to the area, thereby creating more balance within the

population

. Until

this

happens, the retirement age could be raised, which would provide more

taxes

for longer and so postpone many of these issues.

However

, in order for

this

plan to work, governments are

also

going to have to make sure that

this

older generation remains healthy and fit enough to continue working. Clearly, everyone will need to make changes to achieve an effective solution. In conclusion, when a

population

ages the effects are felt by everyone and the situation worsens if nothing is done about it. In my view, there are several possible solutions, but these involve acting quickly in the present.

Submitted by lss870311 on Tue Feb 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a clear overall progression and structure, with an introduction and conclusion effectively framing the discourse. However, continue to develop transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow.

task achievement

You have adequately addressed the task by outlining the potential problems of an ageing population and offering solutions. Nevertheless, consider expanding upon your solutions with more specificity and illustrative examples to fully satisfy the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Demographic shifts
Dependent population
Population pyramid
Healthcare provision
Pension schemes
Labor force
Economic sustainability
Generational equity
Immigration policies
Fertility incentives
Retirement reforms
Life expectancy
Workforce participation
Social security
Aging population
Birth rates
Technological innovation
Automated workforce

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In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problem might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some places old age is value,while in other cultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the modern era, there is a prevailing debate about how young people should allocate their free time—whether more emphasis should be placed on family interactions or outdoor recreation. This essay aims to scrutinize both perspectives, culminating in my balanced standpoint.

You have lost an item of value on a train. Write a letter to the railway company. In your letter: describe the item explain where and when you left it say what action you would like the company to take