IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The increasing prevalence of convenience food will lead to traditional method of cooking disappearing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevalence #convenience #food #method
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Commercially prepared foods are becoming popular these days and because of
this
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, some argue that home-cooked meals will be obsolete.
This
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 essay completely disagrees with
this
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 statement.
Although
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this
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 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 saves people time, it does not
taste
Use synonyms
 good and is extremely unhealthy.
To begin
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 with, most commercially prepared
food
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 does not
taste
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 good. They are often made of cheap ingredients and produced in the factory, which is why they have an unappealing
taste
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. Another reason is that they are made of artificial flavours in order to be affordable ,
therefore
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 they do not capture the
taste
Use synonyms
 of home-cooked meals.
For instance
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, most mac and cheese in convenience stores tastes bland and consumers can barely
taste
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 the cheese flavour. It does not bring the flavour and comfort of the traditional method of cooking.
In addition
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 to that, convenience
food
Use synonyms
 is unhealthy because it has poor nutritional value. It is often full of saturated fats, preservatives, and high amounts of sodium which is bad for the body. They are very unhealthy and consuming them regularly can lead to many health problems
such
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 as obesity, heart disease, and kidney problems. And
this
Linking Words
 can decrease the life expectancy of people.
For instance
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, in the Philippines, one of the reasons why most patients are undergoing dialysis is because they rely so much on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, consuming them regularly can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 detrimental effects on the body. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 commercially prepared foods are time-saving for individuals, they are not delicious and they contribute to poor health.
Thus
Linking Words
, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are greater than its advantages.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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task achievement
Ensure you address both sides of the argument, even if the final stance disagrees, for a more balanced view and to fully meet task requirements.
coherence & cohesion
In the body paragraphs, develop your main points with a variety of linking phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific, real-world examples to support your points, increasing the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are strong, integrating a brief concession of the opposing viewpoint and refuting it could enhance your argument’s persuasiveness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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