Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Some
people
believe that modern
technology
has brought
people
closer.
While
some others say that it has created distance within the society. The Inventors of new
technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
created many innovations, especially in order to make
people
communicate easier.
Whereas
most
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
started
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
dependency
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
these devices.
This
essay will discuss and explain both views regarding modern
technology
.
Firstly
, many
people
would say that modern
technology
has been categorized as a breakthrough and has brought some positive impact. To be more precise, the positive impact actually focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the way
people
communicate and disseminate information. In the past, very limited communication mediums were created,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
was the reason why distance really mattered at that time.
As a result
, new
device
Change the noun form
devices
show examples
such
as
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
have been used as an option to communicate because of easiness.
Secondly
, these modern technologies would make the users become very dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their devices.
As some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
people
prefer to learn and search for some information
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
instead
of asking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Therefore
these
people
should not abandon their surroundings in order to keep socially active.
For instance
,
people
who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
might become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
person.
To conclude
, there are different opinions regarding the invention of modern
technology
and its benefits for these
people
.
Although
these technologies bring a lot of advantages,
people
still need to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the negative impact.
In addition
, limiting the usage of gadgets would be a wiser option as we only want the positive
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
of these technologies.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the paragraphs are not fully expanded with clear topic sentences, and there is a lack of specific examples to support the main points. Transition words are used, but they could be applied more effectively to improve the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
While you address both sides of the argument, further development is needed to provide a complete response to the issue. Your own opinion is vaguely given without thorough explanation or clear examples to back it up. Consider expanding on your own view to present a more comprehensive argument and remember to provide specific and relevant examples to substantiate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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