Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
Some
people
believe that modern technology
has brought people
closer. While
some others say that it has created distance within the society. The Inventors of new technology
has
created many innovations, especially in order to make Correct subject-verb agreement
have
people
communicate easier. Whereas
most people
has
started Change the verb form
have
certain
dependency Correct article usage
a certain
to
these devices. Change preposition
on
This
essay will discuss and explain both views regarding modern technology
.
Firstly
, many people
would say that modern technology
has been categorized as a breakthrough and has brought some positive impact. To be more precise, the positive impact actually focused in
the way Change preposition
on
people
communicate and disseminate information. In the past, very limited communication mediums were created, that
was the reason why distance really mattered at that time. Correct word choice
and that
As a result
, new device
Change the noun form
devices
such
as smartphone
and Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
laptop
have been used as an option to communicate because of easiness.
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
Secondly
, these modern technologies would make the users become very dependent to
their devices. Change preposition
on
As some
Correct word choice
Some
people
prefer to learn and search for some information by
their Change preposition
with
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
instead
of asking the
others. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
these people
should not abandon their surroundings in order to keep socially active. For instance
, people
who spent
most of their Wrong verb form
spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
into
Change preposition
on
gadget
might become Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
an
Correct article usage
apply
introvert
person.
Replace the word
introverted
To conclude
, there are different opinions regarding the invention of modern technology
and its benefits for these people
. Although
these technologies bring a lot of advantages, people
still need to be aware about
the negative impact. Change the preposition
of
In addition
, limiting the usage of gadgets would be a wiser option as we only want the positive aspect
of these technologies.Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the paragraphs are not fully expanded with clear topic sentences, and there is a lack of specific examples to support the main points. Transition words are used, but they could be applied more effectively to improve the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
While you address both sides of the argument, further development is needed to provide a complete response to the issue. Your own opinion is vaguely given without thorough explanation or clear examples to back it up. Consider expanding on your own view to present a more comprehensive argument and remember to provide specific and relevant examples to substantiate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?