Some people think the Olympic Games is an exciting event which can bring nations together. Other people think Olympic Games is a way for people to waste money that could be used for other events. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Often
peoplage
feel that the Correct your spelling
people
Olympics
came
is taking advantage of Verb problem
apply
peoples
finances and is a waste of time, which I totally disagree with. It may suggested that Change noun form
people's
this
a recreational event
, is overly priced. Although
debateable
, the Correct your spelling
debatable
Olympics
is a worldwide event
, connecting the nation which I believe is well worth the money. In this
essay, I hope to elaborate on both points of view and conclude with my take on the subject.
First and foremost, during the season of the event
, both food and accommodation was
doubled, irrefutably indicating that it is a money-making scheme that Change the verb form
were
over charges
people in all aspects. During the season of the Correct your spelling
overcharges
event
, according to
the website Booking.com, cost
of hotels Correct article usage
the cost
were
averaged Unnecessary verb
apply
at
£200 a night in London, which is 60% more than the Change preposition
apply
nations
average, vehemently presenting that fans are not only being exploited for ticketsReplace the word
national
,
but Remove the comma
apply
in
all other aspects. Change preposition
apply
This
exemplifies the Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
event
is rip-off
.
Add an article
a rip-off
On the other hand
, to organise the sports event
, it costs millions of pounds, which is conducted by the countries
finances. During the 2021 Change noun form
country's
Olympics
, London gentrified Stratford, which was originally a high crime
, Add a hyphen
high-crime
low income
area. They essentially created a whole new city for the Add a hyphen
low-income
Olympics
to be conducted, building several stadiums and tracks. It's contented that the government did this
, in order to make peoples
experiences as pleasurable as possible, reiterating that the Change noun form
people's
event
is definitley
worth the money.
To commence with, Correct your spelling
definitely
although
the Olympics
events are expensive, a lot of finances have been pumped in order to organise Correct your spelling
Olympic
it
, so spending money on Correct pronoun usage
them
this
event
that occurs every couple of years, helps the host's economy , as well as
giving you a spectacular experience that lasts for several days, making it worth every penny.Submitted by Sandraali_k on
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Introduction/Conclusion
The essay has a recognisable structure with an introduction and conclusion, although the conclusion starts with 'To commence with,' which is usually an introduction phrase and may confuse readers. Use clear concluding phrases like 'In conclusion,' to signal the end of your discussion.
Logical Structure
The organization of ideas is apparent, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. It is essential to use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay.
Supported Main Points
Main points are supported by some examples or explanations, but the development is limited. It's crucial to expand on your points with more detailed examples and clearer explanations to strengthen your argument and adequately support your main points.
Complete Response
The essay touches upon both sides of the argument and provides a personal opinion, but the depth of the discussion is lacking. The response needs to offer a more detailed exploration of the points, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
Clear/Comprehensive Ideas
Ideas are presented, but they require greater clarity and depth to be fully comprehensive. The ideas would benefit from being more thoroughly examined and more clearly articulated to enrich the task response.
Relevant/Specific Examples
Examples used such as the increased cost of accommodation are relevant, but the essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points effectively. It would add weight to the arguments and show a fuller understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.