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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003
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The data given presents
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online shopping in the USA and Japan from 1999 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the online shopping trends showed similar
patern
Correct your spelling
patterns
 both for Japanese and
American
Replace the word
Americans
show examples
 throughout a given period.
However
Linking Words
, in the first observed
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 spent more
money
Use synonyms
 and eventually the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent reached the same figures
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2003. In the beginning year
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1999, the amount spent on clothes in Japan exceeded
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 the USA, and it presented at 10 and 5
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 USD respectively.
Nexy
Correct your spelling
Next
 year, the trend
kepts
Correct your spelling
keeps
kept
 suddenly decreasing, yet American
people
Use synonyms
 expressed more
antusiasm
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 compared to Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 in 2001 by its number. It was told by the slightly different
money
Use synonyms
 spent approximately at 7 and 6
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 USD. For the next two years, both nationalities showed a drastic increasing trend toward buying
apparels
Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
show examples
 on online platforms and it reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its peak number at the same level of
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 spent at 20
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 USD each.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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