IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 decide to study a foreign
language
Use synonyms
besides
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 their mother tongue. Some argue that
this
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 is because more
people
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 want to travel or work in
countries
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 that do not use the same
language
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 as them.
However
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, I think that there are
further
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 reasons why
people
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 choose to learn a second
language
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,
such
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 as connecting with their family roots. More and more
people
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 whose first
language
Use synonyms
 is not English opt to learn it. Its popularity has risen since it is widely spoken around the world, making it very handy when
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 for tourism.
Similarly
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, many of the
countries
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 that have English as an official
language
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 present higher salaries and more job opportunities for
people
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 coming from the Global South.
Hence
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, many individuals learn it to move to
countries
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such
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 as Canada or the United States where they will receive better incomes and quality of life.
However
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, many
people
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 have learned other languages
beside
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besides
show examples
 their native
language
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 so as to connect with their ancestry.
This
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 can be seen in many
countries
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 from South America that were colonized by Europeans during Columbus' times. These individuals seek to connect with those relatives that arrived
to
Change preposition
in
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 America,
consequently
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 learning the
language
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 from the
countries
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 from where they had come.
For instance
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, there are many Argentineans with Italian ancestry, so many citizens from Argentina learn
italian
Change the capitalization
Italian
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
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 languages are very useful in terms of travelling and getting better job opportunities abroad,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
also
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 provide us
deeper
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with deeper
show examples
 and meaningful connections with those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 lived before us.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay introduces the topic and provides a conclusion, but both could be more clearly articulated. A more direct thesis statement in the introduction and a restatement of your main points in the conclusion would strengthen your essay.
Coherence/Cohesion
Ensure that your body paragraphs have clear topic sentences that relate directly to the question and that each paragraph maintains a single focus. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow.
Task Response
While you attempted to address the task, your response was underdeveloped and needs to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the ideas. Your opinion should be clearly stated and explained, with more elaboration to support your points. Provide specific examples to illustrate and strengthen your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • multilingual
  • linguistic proficiency
  • globalized world
  • cross-cultural communication
  • immersive experience
  • adaptability
  • cultural exchange
  • interpersonal skills
  • employment prospects
  • empathy
  • intellectual development
  • overcome language barriers
  • global market
  • resourceful
  • life-changing
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