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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to accommodation officer at the college to describe your situation, your problems when you are sharing room with another student, say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

#accommodation #officer #college #situation #room #student
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Dear Sir or Madam, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am writing to bring to your attention some challenges I am currently facing in my shared accommodation with my assigned
roommate
. Unfortunately, our differing lifestyles and habits are making it challenging for us to create a harmonious living space. I have attempted to address these issues through open communication with my
roommate
, but regrettably, we have been unable to find common ground. The differences in study habits, sleep schedules, and personal preferences have led to an environment
that is
 not conducive to my academic success and
overall
 well-being. In light of these challenges, I am kindly requesting your assistance in exploring alternative accommodation options. I believe that a change in my living situation,
such
 as a single room or a room assignment with a more compatible
roommate
, would significantly contribute to a more positive living experience for both myself and my current
roommate
. I understand the complexities involved in
such
 requests and am willing to provide any necessary documentation or information to facilitate the process. Your support in
this
 matter is greatly appreciated, and I look forward to your guidance on potential solutions. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, Ngoc Nguyen
Submitted by ngochd98 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single idea clearly and consistently. The letter would benefit from a more explicit explanation of what the specific challenges are, rather than general statements about difficulties.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter could be improved by a more personalized greeting and closing. Using the name of the accommodation officer if known, and a less formal sign-off could create a better rapport.
Task Achievement
It is advisable to include specific instances or examples of the issues faced to articulate a stronger case for room change. A summary of the problems with proposed solutions can enhance the effectiveness of your request.
Task Achievement
Consider adopting a more consistent tone by maintaining a formal degree of politeness throughout, while being direct and factual about the situation and what is being requested.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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