The maps underneath describes the changes that have taken place in and around Queen Mary Hospital since its building in 1960 till 2000

The given maps illustrate the development of the Queen Mary Hospital building and its surroundings during the period between 1960 and 2000. The changes were divided into three different times, 1960, 1980 and 2000.

Overall

, it can be clearly seen that the main building of the hospital enlarged and several supporting hospital facilities have been

building

Wrong verb form

built

show examples

over time. In terms of the initial layout of Queen Mary Hospital in 1960, the hospital was located to the south of the main road next to the shopping

centre

Furthermore

, the car park lay to the south of the hospital and farmland next to it. 20 years later, the Cancer

Centre

building was constructed at the expense of a shopping

centre

and the hospital enlarged its building for a Pharmacy, which was located to the west of the hospital.

Moreover

, the Farmland has been replaced by a Nursing School building. Regarding the latest layout in 2000, the Nursing School has been removed to expand the Cancer

Centre

building to the south.

As a consequence

, the nursing school was relocated to the next car park and the car park was smaller in half.

Submitted by 2024successielts on Wed Jan 03 2024

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words centre with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

189 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

infrastructure
expansion
facilities
road patterns
specialized clinics
green spaces
natural features
residential development
commercial development
traffic flow
accessibility
capacity

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The maps underneath describes the changes that have taken place in and around Queen Mary Hospital since its building in 1960 till 2000

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

In some countries young people have less leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Other people think that, in today's world, subject like Science and Technology are more important than History. Disucss both these views and give your opinion.

Bad lifestyle affects people's health. How to develop a healthy lifestyle?