Even with the constant improvements in health care, many countries are still struggling to provide adequate health provision to all of their citizens. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What might be effective in tackling the problem?

Despite the continuous developments in modern medical systems, many countries are still unable to provide their inhabitants with proper
health
care
.
This
is
due to
the deficiency of specialists in that field and an increasing
number
of civilisation diseases.
However
, it can be resolved not only by raising the salaries of medical staff but
also
by establishing campaigns about
health
among citizens. The foremost causes of the issue are the small
number
of healthcare professionals and the growing
number
of civilisation illnesses. In most well-developed countries each doctor has approximately 1000 patients to take
care
of,
hence
it is hardly possible to guarantee special
care
to every one of them.
Besides
, the modern way of living mainly consists of a sedentary lifestyle and eating highly processed food.
As a result
, the
number
of issues regarding general
health
has been escalating for the past decade. A good illustration of
this
is diabetes disease, a popularity of which is rising rapidly nowadays
due to
detrimental living habits. The best solution to address these problems is an increase in salaries for medical professionals and campaigns encouraging people to take
care
of their well-being.
In other words
, were
doctors
and nurses paid more for their jobs, it would be more likely that young people aspire to become specialists in that field.
Thus
, the ratio between
doctors
and their patients could be more adequate than it currently is. Apart from that, citizens should be acquainted with the potential disorders and the ways to avoid them. The best method to implement
that is
to organize projects familiarizing society with modern world concerns regarding
health
,
such
as diabetes disease or cancer. Not only could
this
decrease the
number
of those suffering from an issue, but it might
also
reduce the sum of potential patients that the
doctors
have to serve. In conclusion, despite the continual advancements in healthcare systems, the lack of medical specialists and the escalating figure of modern diseases cause a problem for societies to guarantee suitable
care
for all citizens. These difficulties require applicable solutions, including greater salaries for
doctors
and the promotion of healthy lifestyles among people. v
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coherence cohesion
You have presented a well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that ideas flow naturally from one to the next, using linking words appropriately.
task achievement
The essay is largely relevant to the prompt; however, the development of ideas can be enhanced by providing more varied and detailed examples rather than focusing predominantly on one disease (diabetes) as an illustration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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