Even with the constant improvements in health care, many countries are still struggling to provide adequate health provision to all of their citizens. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What might be effective in tackling the problem?

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Despite the continuous developments in modern medical systems, many countries are still unable to provide their inhabitants with proper
health
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care
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.
This
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is
due to
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the deficiency of specialists in that field and an increasing
number
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of civilisation diseases.
However
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, it can be resolved not only by raising the salaries of medical staff but
also
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by establishing campaigns about
health
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among citizens. The foremost causes of the issue are the small
number
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of healthcare professionals and the growing
number
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of civilisation illnesses. In most well-developed countries each doctor has approximately 1000 patients to take
care
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of,
hence
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it is hardly possible to guarantee special
care
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to every one of them.
Besides
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, the modern way of living mainly consists of a sedentary lifestyle and eating highly processed food.
As a result
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, the
number
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of issues regarding general
health
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has been escalating for the past decade. A good illustration of
this
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is diabetes disease, a popularity of which is rising rapidly nowadays
due to
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detrimental living habits. The best solution to address these problems is an increase in salaries for medical professionals and campaigns encouraging people to take
care
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of their well-being.
In other words
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, were
doctors
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and nurses paid more for their jobs, it would be more likely that young people aspire to become specialists in that field.
Thus
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, the ratio between
doctors
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and their patients could be more adequate than it currently is. Apart from that, citizens should be acquainted with the potential disorders and the ways to avoid them. The best method to implement
that is
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to organize projects familiarizing society with modern world concerns regarding
health
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,
such
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as diabetes disease or cancer. Not only could
this
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decrease the
number
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of those suffering from an issue, but it might
also
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reduce the sum of potential patients that the
doctors
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have to serve. In conclusion, despite the continual advancements in healthcare systems, the lack of medical specialists and the escalating figure of modern diseases cause a problem for societies to guarantee suitable
care
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for all citizens. These difficulties require applicable solutions, including greater salaries for
doctors
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and the promotion of healthy lifestyles among people. v
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coherence cohesion
You have presented a well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that ideas flow naturally from one to the next, using linking words appropriately.
task achievement
The essay is largely relevant to the prompt; however, the development of ideas can be enhanced by providing more varied and detailed examples rather than focusing predominantly on one disease (diabetes) as an illustration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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