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Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people #lifestyles #relationships #developments
It is true that individuals nowadays tend to sharply change the way they live and
this
 alleviates family bonds.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
 phenomenon before concluding that the benefits are more significant. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the link between family members is negatively affected by the changes in the lifestyle of
people
 nowadays.
Firstly
, teenagers likely take a barrier from their parents
due to
 the gap generation. To explain, many cutting-edge technologies have changed the way young
people
 communicate and entertain which leads to a huge distinction between parents and their offspring and
this
 is a reason for many family conflicts, domestic violence, and even divorces.
Secondly
,
people
 would live faster than in the past in order to catch up with the development of society.
As a result
, they do not have enough time to spend on either their family or themself which could increase the likelihood of isolation in human and the lack of care between relatives in
this
 day and age.
On the other hand
, it is a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the advantages of
this
 tendency dominate the drawbacks. First and foremost,
people
 tend to work more effectively and flexibly so as to gain success in their careers. Specifically, the competition in the work environment today has risen significantly making individuals enhance their work ethic and
pay
Verb problem
take
show examples
 responsibility for what they do.
Additionally
, adolescents might be more confident and speak more languages than the
last
 generation.
This
 is because they have more opportunities to show their ability and they can easily access new languages by using laptops,
artificial
Correct word choice
and artificial
show examples
 intelligence which are immensely common in
this
 era. In conclusion,
while
 changing the lifestyle of
people
 could affect the family connection,
this
 writer believes that the positive sides of
this
 tendency dominate the negative ones.
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relevance
The essay should include more specific examples to illustrate the points being made. For instance, citing particular technologies or studies that show the impact on family relationships could strengthen your arguments.
clarity
While the essay is well-structured, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved. Make sure to proofread for these issues to enhance clarity.
clarity
Consider expanding on how the fast-paced lifestyle affects parents specifically. This could provide a more balanced view of how different family members are impacted.
structure
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure, with a solid introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow the argument.
content
The points made about the impacts of technology on young people's communication and the competitive work environment were well articulated and supported the argument effectively.
content
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer's stance, providing a strong end to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • communication
  • connected
  • long distances
  • busy work lives
  • interaction time
  • emotional bond
  • individualistic behavior
  • weakened family ties
  • fast pace of modern life
  • stress
  • mental health issues
  • overall family well-being
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • quality time
  • educational activities
  • recreational activities
  • enhance
  • new experiences
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