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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
Some individuals contend
the
Change preposition
with the
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 notion that professional
workers
 should
work
 in one nation where they have
assigned
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been assigned
show examples
 to train before, whilst others hold
viewpoint
Correct article usage
the viewpoint
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 they could
work
in
particular
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the particular
show examples
 country they want. Even though professional employees should
work
 in the place where they have been trained before, I argue that it would benefit for them to
labor
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labour
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in particular
places
 they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to assist other citizens. To commence with, the presence of these
workers
 would assist certain
places
 where it is
lack
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a lack
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 of
labor
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labour
show examples
 to increase the
quaility
Correct your spelling
quality
 of people. If the workplaces where it is encounter
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
show examples
 of
workers
, they would likely help most
of
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apply
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citizens
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the citizens
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 to raise
quality
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the quality
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 of
labor
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labour
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, so
this
 would diminish
work load
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workload
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 in the place.
For instance
, a doctor who wants to stay in
certain
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a certain
the certain
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 rural area where it
lack
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lacks
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of
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apply
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nurses
and
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apply
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she
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apply
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could overcome several issues related to medical
check up
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check-ups
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 for several patients.
Therefore
, they have their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to choose where they are going to
work
 based on several needs in the nation. Another thing is that they consider about distance between them and their nuclear family. The vast majority of individuals especially those
are
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who are
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 married would consider
to stay
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staying
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nearby
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near
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 their
familiy
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family
 when it comes to
decide
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deciding
show examples
 whether they
work
 in other
places
 or in their country.
For example
, after finishing
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a master
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master
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master's
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 degree in the UK, a married engineering student
decide
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decides
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 to come back and
work
 in his countryside rather than in the UK.
Subsequently
,
for
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apply
show examples
those married and
has
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have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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children are likely to stay and
labor
 near their children. In a
nuttshel
Correct your spelling
nutshell
, it is essential for professional
workers
 to stay and
work
 in
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 country to improve their abilities related to their
accupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
accusation
, I believe that professionals employees would be better to
work
 in
places
 where they want to increase services
in particular
 areas and to take care of their relatives.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Task Achievement
Your essay attempts to cover the task but needs a clearer introduction and conclusion to directly address the question of whether professionals should be required to work in their country of training or be free to work elsewhere. Make sure your opinion is explicitly stated in the introduction and the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's ideas could be presented with more clarity and precision. Paragraphing has been used but the transition between ideas is abrupt at times. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to create a smoother flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
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