IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals contend
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 notion that professional
workers
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 in one nation where they have
assigned
Add a missing verb
been assigned
show examples
 to train before, whilst others hold
viewpoint
Correct article usage
the viewpoint
show examples
 they could
work
Use synonyms
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
the particular
show examples
 country they want. Even though professional employees should
work
Use synonyms
 in the place where they have been trained before, I argue that it would benefit for them to
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to assist other citizens. To commence with, the presence of these
workers
Use synonyms
 would assist certain
places
Use synonyms
 where it is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 to increase the
quaility
Correct your spelling
quality
 of people. If the workplaces where it is encounter
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
show examples
 of
workers
Use synonyms
, they would likely help most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
show examples
 to raise
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, so
this
Linking Words
 would diminish
Use synonyms
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 in the place.
For instance
Linking Words
, a doctor who wants to stay in
certain
Add an article
a certain
the certain
show examples
 rural area where it
lack
Change the verb form
lacks
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
nurses
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could overcome several issues related to medical
check up
Correct your spelling
check-ups
show examples
 for several patients.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to choose where they are going to
work
Use synonyms
 based on several needs in the nation. Another thing is that they consider about distance between them and their nuclear family. The vast majority of individuals especially those
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 married would consider
to stay
Change the verb form
staying
show examples
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 their
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
 when it comes to
decide
Change the verb form
deciding
show examples
 whether they
work
Use synonyms
 in other
places
Use synonyms
 or in their country.
For example
Linking Words
, after finishing
Add an article
a master
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree in the UK, a married engineering student
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 to come back and
work
Use synonyms
 in his countryside rather than in the UK.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those married and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children are likely to stay and
labor
Use synonyms
 near their children. In a
nuttshel
Correct your spelling
nutshell
, it is essential for professional
workers
Use synonyms
 to stay and
work
Use synonyms
 in
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 country to improve their abilities related to their
accupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
accusation
, I believe that professionals employees would be better to
work
Use synonyms
 in
places
Use synonyms
 where they want to increase services
in particular
Linking Words
 areas and to take care of their relatives.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay attempts to cover the task but needs a clearer introduction and conclusion to directly address the question of whether professionals should be required to work in their country of training or be free to work elsewhere. Make sure your opinion is explicitly stated in the introduction and the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's ideas could be presented with more clarity and precision. Paragraphing has been used but the transition between ideas is abrupt at times. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to create a smoother flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: