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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studiying full-time or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studiying full-time or part-time.
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The bar graph illustrates the
number
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 of
people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tertiary education whether they were full-time
students
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 or part-time
students
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according to
Linking Words
 their
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
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 in Britain from 1970 to 1991.
Overall
Linking Words
, both males and females mostly studied as part-time
students
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 throughout the
period
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,
however
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of individuals
studied
Correct pronoun usage
who studied
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 as full-time
students
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 increased gradually over time.  In
Britain
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Britain,
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 both men and women predominantly studied as part-time
students
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 throughout the
period
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. Between 1970 and 1971, there were about 1 million males that were working as part-time
students
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 in Britain which slightly decreased to around 870
thousand
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students
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 before inclining to approximately 900
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
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 in the season of 1990/91. The
number
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 of women who had part-time education was just below 800
thousand
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people
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 in the beginning and
this
Linking Words
 gradually rose to almost 1.2 million individuals, ending the entire
period
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 at the highest point. 
People
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 who had full-time education
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 always a minority of the population for both genders. The
number
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 of males and females that studied as full-time
students
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 increased gradually over time and these values varied between around 50
thousand
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people
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 and about 300
thousand
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 individuals over the entire
period
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, students, period, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 3 times.
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