Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #e #g #holidays #children #retirement #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There has been a tremendous increase in the number of

invdividuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

questioning whether older

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

should leave their saving to their

children

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

some may strongly disagree, I firmly believe that older

people

Use synonyms

have the right to enjoy the money they

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

themselves. From my perspective,

this

Linking Words

will not only teach their

children

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

hard and achieve their dreams

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

they deserve to be rewarded for their hard

work

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

, there is an argument to be made that it is beneficial for

children

Use synonyms

to learn to live

independenty

Correct your spelling

independently

independent

of their parent’s

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, many cases of kids with a wealthy family background do not end up finishing their education, because they have the financial stability provided by their parents.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, it is evident that

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

need to experience the hardship associated with

work

Use synonyms

at an early age,

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

admire the value of their education and rely on themselves. What is more,

children

Use synonyms

will challenge themselves to improve their skills and focus on their capabilities, without which they will never understand their true

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

This

Linking Words

being the case, it can be assumed that if

children

Use synonyms

were spoiled by their parent’s money,

this

Linking Words

would cause a significant distraction for them to reach their goals.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, it must be stated that parents should dedicate time to enjoy their accomplishments.

For instance

Linking Words

, the majority of

people

Use synonyms

find it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

mentally satisfying to spend each summer vacation in a different country, without budgeting themselves during

this

Linking Words

period.

Therefore

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

older

people

Use synonyms

will experience spiritual meditation by spending holidays away from

work

Use synonyms

, without it they will be in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

continuous stress and not able to take care of their

children

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, parents should take care of their physical health to maintain their strength, so they should allocate some of their

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for rehabilitation and fitness training sessions. With

this

Linking Words

in mind, there is no doubt that if older

people

Use synonyms

keep their

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for their

children

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

would harmfully influence their mentality and their physical strength.

To conclude

Linking Words

, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that older

people

Use synonyms

should spend money on themselves to drive their

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

motivation forward,

as well as

Linking Words

sustaining

Wrong verb form

sustain

show examples

their own healthy lifestyle.

Submitted by ototonji.ot on Wed Jan 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure is maintained throughout the essay. Make use of varied cohesive devices and transitions to enhance the flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, aim for a more impactful thesis statement and a compelling final thought to leave a resonating impression with the reader.

coherence cohesion

Support each main point with specific examples and illustrations. Where possible, develop these examples further to fully demonstrate how they support the argument.

task achievement

Address the task questions with a complete response, ensuring that you cover all aspects of the prompt. Expand on the implications of the developments discussed where relevant.

task achievement

Present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that each paragraph introduces a distinct and articulated point of view.

task achievement

Incorporate relevant and specific examples to fortify your arguments. Each example should be fully fleshed out to showcase its relevance to the overarching topic and your position on the development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

371 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There has been a growing tendency for people in the suburbs or the countryside to move to urban areas, thus resulting in a decrease in population. In my opinion, this is a negative development, which I will elaborate more on in my essay.
6.5
band
Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some argue that past advances in technology had a profound impact on many people’s lives compared to relatively recent technological improvements. I completely disagree with this contention as I believe the benefits of both past and modern technological developments are equally important for the general public.
4.5
band
Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
These days, pupils who graduated from callage have various plane from time which they have it until university , so a group of them desighnete working, while another ones choose traveling to other areas or countries; however, some people believe it is important that they working instead of traveling owing to the fact that they obtain a lot of experience that help them in adult life. In my opinion, working is the good things and is the best things for people who have money problem, but other ones can improve their knowldege about their world by traveling.
5.5
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no denying that technological developments will bring many changes in plenty of fields such as driving. Many people consider that when technological improvements applied to driverless vehicles can cause many drawbacks others do not. I strongly believe that the disadvantages of this new technology outweigh the advantages. This essay will discuss both views by giving examples.
7
band
Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In contemporary society, cutting-edge improvements in science and technology have consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. The statement - compared to the previous generation, nowadays is the best time to live presents a viewpoint that is both thought-provoking and debatable. Despite its contentious nature, I am inclined to oppose the perspective, as I believe, in reality, the significant development in science and technology created numerous hard-solving problems.

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?