Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #e #g #holidays #children #retirement #development

There has been a tremendous increase in the number of

invdividuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

questioning whether older

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

should leave their saving to their

children

While

some may strongly disagree, I firmly believe that older

people

have the right to enjoy the money they

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

themselves. From my perspective,

this

will not only teach their

children

work

hard and achieve their dreams

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

they deserve to be rewarded for their hard

work

To begin

, there is an argument to be made that it is beneficial for

children

to learn to live

independenty

Correct your spelling

independently

independent

of their parent’s

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

For example

, many cases of kids with a wealthy family background do not end up finishing their education, because they have the financial stability provided by their parents.

For

this

reason, it is evident that

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

need to experience the hardship associated with

work

at an early age,

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

admire the value of their education and rely on themselves. What is more,

children

will challenge themselves to improve their skills and focus on their capabilities, without which they will never understand their true

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

This

being the case, it can be assumed that if

children

were spoiled by their parent’s money,

this

would cause a significant distraction for them to reach their goals.

In addition

this

, it must be stated that parents should dedicate time to enjoy their accomplishments.

For instance

, the majority of

people

find it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

mentally satisfying to spend each summer vacation in a different country, without budgeting themselves during

this

period.

Therefore

it is clear that

older

people

will experience spiritual meditation by spending holidays away from

work

, without it they will be in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

continuous stress and not able to take care of their

children

Furthermore

, parents should take care of their physical health to maintain their strength, so they should allocate some of their

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for rehabilitation and fitness training sessions. With

this

in mind, there is no doubt that if older

people

keep their

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for their

children

this

would harmfully influence their mentality and their physical strength.

To conclude

, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that older

people

should spend money on themselves to drive their

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

motivation forward,

as well as

sustaining

Wrong verb form

sustain

show examples

their own healthy lifestyle.

Submitted by ototonji.ot on Wed Jan 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure is maintained throughout the essay. Make use of varied cohesive devices and transitions to enhance the flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, aim for a more impactful thesis statement and a compelling final thought to leave a resonating impression with the reader.

coherence cohesion

Support each main point with specific examples and illustrations. Where possible, develop these examples further to fully demonstrate how they support the argument.

task achievement

Address the task questions with a complete response, ensuring that you cover all aspects of the prompt. Expand on the implications of the developments discussed where relevant.

task achievement

Present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that each paragraph introduces a distinct and articulated point of view.

task achievement

Incorporate relevant and specific examples to fortify your arguments. Each example should be fully fleshed out to showcase its relevance to the overarching topic and your position on the development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

371 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Education used to be a short period of training, but today, people treat it like a lifelong practice. Do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that there is too much emphasis on getting an education, and that the government should spend money on leisure time activities for young people too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?