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Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#country #language #idea
As everyone agrees learning to foreign tongues has been one of the significant topics for society for years. In light of
this
 fact , It can be clearly seen a few group individuals think that career development , moving to another country and working in higher departments are possible with a foreign
language
 and they sustain their learning journey step by step.
Nevertheless
, a part of the community does not possess the same awareness ,
thus
, they seem to have failed in education which can assist in learning skills.
As a consequence
, a part of the community thinks that these people encountered various drawbacks. I tend to be on the same wavelength with
this
 idea . In the following parts, I will try to explain , why I am a supporter of
this
 view.
To begin
 with, It can be clearly seen that a few
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 in our world try to make everything about a well-being lifestyle.
For instance
, they leave their homelands and migrate to abode for better education or work opportunities. On the condition that they can speak diverse tongues , they have a chance to solve social issues.
Likewise
, health, law and accommodation topics can not create big matters in their life.
On the other hand
, as long as they do not have the ability to speak any kind of
language
 ,
this
 situation brings matters
while
 inhabiting. I read an article prepared by
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 professors about
this
 title. The specialists who are searching
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Turkish people in
German
Replace the word
Germany
show examples
 depict that the community who do not narrate itself meets disadvantages everywhere where they go in
this
 article.
According to
this
 passage, forty individual who do not speak a foreign
language
 in every hundred have difficulty
while
 narrating their problems in the hospital. It is these consequences that show how crucial speaking foreign tongues
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
To sum up
, It is my conviction that it is virtually impossible to maintain life without a foreign
language
 in different states
due to
 what I mentioned above.
Submitted by ezgi.maide.213 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are distinct and clearly state your opinion. Your essay lacks a clear introduction and an explicit concluding statement that summarizes your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop a more logical structure by organizing your paragraphs in a way that builds your argument. Use clear topic sentences to outline the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. This essay's structure is not entirely clear and could benefit from more precise organization.
Task Achievement
To ensure complete task achievement, it's essential that your essay directly responds to the prompt with a clear argument that is consistent throughout the essay and does not deviate from the topic at hand.
Task Achievement
Your essay must clearly express and develop ideas, with arguments that are comprehensive and directly related to the prompt. Aim to explain your thoughts fully with well-developed points that are easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Using specific examples, statistics, or reputable sources enhances the persuasiveness of your argument. Include clear, concrete examples that are directly related to the topic to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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