Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.

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Nowadays, it is asserted that
children
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spend plenty of
time
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working with contemporary gadgets. Several grounds might be responsible towards
this
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case,
such
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as the
lack
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of outdoor activities. Being aware of the weak points, I consider
this
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development quite negative. The chief reason that
children
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tend to use their phones a lot might be a
lack
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of physical activity.
Children
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are energetic and hyper, and they cannot stand sitting still. In comparison with the past decades, when parents devoted most of their
time
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to their
kids
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, modern parents don’t have enough free
time
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to play with or spend with their
kids
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;
therefore
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,
children
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will start using smartphones to play or communicate with their friends
instead
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of going out and being involved in physical activities. What
this
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action often leads to is
kids
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using these
devices
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for a long period of
time
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to avoid loneliness.
Although
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it is necessary for everyone to know the usage of digital gadgets, the side effects of using smart
devices
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on
children
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are quite a lot, making it a big issue for parents.
Firstly
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, when
kids
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use electric
devices
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, specifically smartphones, their eyesight might weaken. Just consider the millions of
kids
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in the world being forced to wear glasses owing to smartphone’s
damages
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damage
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to their vision.
Seconly
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Secondly
,
children
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may skip their homework to play with their phones.
Smart phones
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Smartphones
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are claimed to be disturbing when it comes to studying, and
puplis
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pupils
tend to avoid doing their schoolwork because of these smart gadgets.
This
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often results in a weak educational score and a
lack
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of concentration. In conclusion, the new generation is keen on using smart
devices
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due to
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for
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myriad reasons,
such
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as loneliness and a
lack
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of physical activity. Many diverse problems might be caused by using smartphones, making
kids
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suffer. I personally believe that these damages are very serious, and
kids
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are
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apply
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ought to use these
devices
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less.
Submitted by Arman on

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Structure
The essay provides an introduction and conclusion, but both could be more clearly structured to present a concise thesis and summarizing the main points without repetition.
Coherence
Ideas in the essay are generally organized; however, the essay could benefit from better transitions and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the arguments.
Examples
Your examples are relevant but could be more specifically detailed to strengthen the argument. Consider providing concrete statistics or studies to support your points.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas, yet there is room for more comprehensive exploration of the topic. The reasons for the negative development could be expanded with additional arguments or perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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