Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.

Nowadays, it is asserted that
children
spend plenty of
time
working with contemporary gadgets. Several grounds might be responsible towards
this
case,
such
as the
lack
of outdoor activities. Being aware of the weak points, I consider
this
development quite negative. The chief reason that
children
tend to use their phones a lot might be a
lack
of physical activity.
Children
are energetic and hyper, and they cannot stand sitting still. In comparison with the past decades, when parents devoted most of their
time
to their
kids
, modern parents don’t have enough free
time
to play with or spend with their
kids
;
therefore
,
children
will start using smartphones to play or communicate with their friends
instead
of going out and being involved in physical activities. What
this
action often leads to is
kids
using these
devices
for a long period of
time
to avoid loneliness.
Although
it is necessary for everyone to know the usage of digital gadgets, the side effects of using smart
devices
on
children
are quite a lot, making it a big issue for parents.
Firstly
, when
kids
use electric
devices
, specifically smartphones, their eyesight might weaken. Just consider the millions of
kids
in the world being forced to wear glasses owing to smartphone’s
damages
Correct subject-verb agreement
damage
show examples
to their vision.
Seconly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,
children
may skip their homework to play with their phones.
Smart phones
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Smartphones
show examples
are claimed to be disturbing when it comes to studying, and
puplis
Correct your spelling
pupils
tend to avoid doing their schoolwork because of these smart gadgets.
This
often results in a weak educational score and a
lack
of concentration. In conclusion, the new generation is keen on using smart
devices
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
myriad reasons,
such
as loneliness and a
lack
of physical activity. Many diverse problems might be caused by using smartphones, making
kids
suffer. I personally believe that these damages are very serious, and
kids
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to use these
devices
less.
Submitted by Arman on

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Structure
The essay provides an introduction and conclusion, but both could be more clearly structured to present a concise thesis and summarizing the main points without repetition.
Coherence
Ideas in the essay are generally organized; however, the essay could benefit from better transitions and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the arguments.
Examples
Your examples are relevant but could be more specifically detailed to strengthen the argument. Consider providing concrete statistics or studies to support your points.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas, yet there is room for more comprehensive exploration of the topic. The reasons for the negative development could be expanded with additional arguments or perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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