Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.
Nowadays, it is asserted that
children
spend plenty of time
working with contemporary gadgets.
Several grounds might be responsible towards this
case, such
as the lack
of outdoor activities. Being aware of the weak points, I consider this
development quite negative.
The chief reason that children
tend to use their phones a lot might be a lack
of physical activity. Children
are energetic and hyper, and they cannot stand sitting still. In comparison with the past decades, when parents devoted most of their time
to their kids
, modern parents don’t have enough free time
to play with or spend with their kids
; therefore
, children
will start using smartphones to play or communicate with their friends instead
of going out and being involved in physical activities. What this
action often leads to is kids
using these devices
for a long period of time
to avoid loneliness.
Although
it is necessary for everyone to know the usage of digital gadgets, the side effects of using smart devices
on children
are quite a lot, making it a big issue for parents. Firstly
, when kids
use electric devices
, specifically smartphones, their eyesight might weaken. Just consider the millions of kids
in the world being forced to wear glasses owing to smartphone’s damages
to their vision. Correct subject-verb agreement
damage
Seconly
, Correct your spelling
Secondly
children
may skip their homework to play with their phones. Smart phones
are claimed to be disturbing when it comes to studying, and Correct your spelling
Smartphones
puplis
tend to avoid doing their schoolwork because of these smart gadgets. Correct your spelling
pupils
This
often results in a weak educational score and a lack
of concentration.
In conclusion, the new generation is keen on using smart devices
due to
myriad reasons, Change preposition
for
such
as loneliness and a lack
of physical activity. Many diverse problems might be caused by using smartphones, making kids
suffer. I personally believe that these damages are very serious, and kids
are
ought to use these Unnecessary verb
apply
devices
less.Submitted by Arman on
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Structure
The essay provides an introduction and conclusion, but both could be more clearly structured to present a concise thesis and summarizing the main points without repetition.
Coherence
Ideas in the essay are generally organized; however, the essay could benefit from better transitions and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the arguments.
Examples
Your examples are relevant but could be more specifically detailed to strengthen the argument. Consider providing concrete statistics or studies to support your points.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas, yet there is room for more comprehensive exploration of the topic. The reasons for the negative development could be expanded with additional arguments or perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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