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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays professional and unprofessional
lives
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 have become part of human
lives
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. Taking a big
risk
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 is a crucial part of people’s
lives
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, both in personal and professional realms.
While
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 it can lead to potential drawbacks, the benefits often outweigh the advantages when approached thoughtfully. I
also
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 think that a professional
live
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life
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 is more profitable than a personal life event though the
risk
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 is very high because the reward is worth the
risk
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. The main gain from becoming a professional is taking
risks
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 can brainstorming innovations and ideas
due to
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 the fact that they always hone their skills and curiosity.
For example
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, newbie entrepreneurs who establish new markets or invest in something new for them
,
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apply
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 can get significant rewards
such
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 as increased profits and market share.
Furthermore
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, individuals who are willing to take
risks
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 in their careers may find new opportunities and connections to
the
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apply
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other people.
For instance
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, a software developer who decides to move from a stable job to a startup may take on more responsibilities and challenges
due to
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 learning new programming languages, managing teams, and making connections with other companies
On the other hand
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, taking
risks
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 can lead to personal growth and self-discovery. As an illustration, someone who decides to travel alone to a foreign country may
initially
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 feel out of their comfort zone, but the experience can teach them valuable life skills like adaptability, problem-solving, and independence.
Similarly
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, pursuing a new hobby,
such
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 as learning to play a musical instrument or joining a sports team, can boost self-confidence and promote a sense of accomplishment.
However
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, it is important to balance these personal activities with professional responsibilities. In conclusion, taking
risks
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 in both professional and personal
lives
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,
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apply
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 depends on the level of
risk
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 that we take individuals can unlock new opportunities and enhance their
overall
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 quality of life.
However
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, it is important to acknowledge the potential downsides of
risk
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-taking.

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument. Your essay slightly leans towards discussing professional life more, hence balancing it with personal aspects might enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
Maintain even coherence throughout the essay. At times, the transition between professional and personal aspects appears abrupt. Smoother transitions could improve the flow.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas to enhance clarity. Some points could be refined for conciseness to avoid over-explanation.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains well-structured paragraphs introducing concepts and elaborating on examples, fulfilling the coherence and cohesion criterion effectively.
task achievement
Your incorporation of examples for both professional and personal risks helps substantiate your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the topic by evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking, indicating a comprehensive response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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