Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?
In recent years, more and more adolescents have moved to cities to study or work to pursue a better quality of life.
This
tendency would lead to some pros outweighing cons development
from reasons
such
as craving high-quality living and salaries. This
essay will expound on both views and reasons
.
First and foremost, most of the benefits of the major reasons
are to adolescents pursue further
high-quality living and incomes. The reasons
tend to fulfil their expectation to achieve a new life. For instance
, many youths are willing to leave their home if they succeed in enrolling in educational communities or catch up with high incomes from jobs in urban areas
. This
results in a large number of youths from the countryside moving to urban for study or work like Thailand, which has more than 300,000 people per year. Therefore
, this
trend is more likely to boost the level of economic development
and create more jobs for the public in urbanisation.
Nonetheless
, one of the drawbacks of main reasons
is the lack of sustainable human resources in rural areas
. If some jobs in the countryside lack potential younger employees, there will be an imbalance in their workforce. To illustrate, in my city, nearly 500,000 younger workers are moving to a central place, and this
trend has forced many shops in rural areas
to spend much more budget to apply for candidates to join their workplaces. Thus
, this
will increase a high amount cost of human resources.
In conclusion, based on the statements above, they left their home in the countryside because young people pursue further
high-quality living and incomes, and contribute to the economy in urban areas
. However
, the lack of sustainable human resources is to make a higher cost to the workforce. That is
to say, the pros of the development
of the economy outweigh the cons of development
.Submitted by jimmy.wong.wp on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, but the logical flow between points is not always smooth. Ideas could be linked more clearly with a better use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The main points have support, but the essay would benefit from more varied and detailed examples. Consider expanding the examples given to make stronger, more convincing points.
task achievement
The task is partially fulfilled. The essay discusses reasons for the move of young people to urban areas and some advantages and disadvantages, but it does not fully address the question concerning whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. More focus and development on this aspect of the prompt would improve the score.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but could be more comprehensive. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by detailed examples and explanations. Increased clarity and expansion of ideas would make the text more compelling and would properly fulfill the task.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they could be made more relevant and specific to the question. It is advisable to use examples directly related to the pros and cons being discussed as well as a wider variety of examples to more effectively illustrate the points made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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