IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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In recent years, more and more adolescents have moved to cities to study or work to pursue a better quality of life.
This
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 tendency would lead to some pros outweighing cons
development
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 from
reasons
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such
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 as craving high-quality living and salaries.
This
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 essay will expound on both views and
reasons
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. First and foremost, most of the benefits of the major
reasons
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 are to adolescents pursue
further
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 high-quality living and incomes. The
reasons
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 tend to fulfil their expectation to achieve a new life.
For instance
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, many youths are willing to leave their home if they succeed in enrolling in educational communities or catch up with high incomes from jobs in urban
areas
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.
This
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 results in a large number of youths from the countryside moving to urban for study or work like Thailand, which has more than 300,000 people per year.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend is more likely to boost the level of economic
development
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 and create more jobs for the public in urbanisation.
Nonetheless
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, one of the drawbacks of main
reasons
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 is the lack of sustainable human resources in rural
areas
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. If some jobs in the countryside lack potential younger employees, there will be an imbalance in their workforce. To illustrate, in my city, nearly 500,000 younger workers are moving to a central place, and
this
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 trend has forced many shops in rural
areas
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 to spend much more budget to apply for candidates to join their workplaces.
Thus
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,
this
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 will increase a high amount cost of human resources. In conclusion, based on the statements above, they left their home in the countryside because young people pursue
further
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 high-quality living and incomes, and contribute to the economy in urban
areas
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.
However
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, the lack of sustainable human resources is to make a higher cost to the workforce.
That is
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 to say, the pros of the
development
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 of the economy outweigh the cons of
development
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.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, but the logical flow between points is not always smooth. Ideas could be linked more clearly with a better use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The main points have support, but the essay would benefit from more varied and detailed examples. Consider expanding the examples given to make stronger, more convincing points.
task achievement
The task is partially fulfilled. The essay discusses reasons for the move of young people to urban areas and some advantages and disadvantages, but it does not fully address the question concerning whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. More focus and development on this aspect of the prompt would improve the score.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but could be more comprehensive. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by detailed examples and explanations. Increased clarity and expansion of ideas would make the text more compelling and would properly fulfill the task.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they could be made more relevant and specific to the question. It is advisable to use examples directly related to the pros and cons being discussed as well as a wider variety of examples to more effectively illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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