IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think a country benefits from a large proportion of young university students, others think sending young people to universities only leads to graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is an unquestioned belief that
university
Use synonyms
 graduation by a huge number of youngsters benefits their country,
whereas
Linking Words
 others are of the opinion that the increasing trend in
university
Use synonyms
 graduation just exacerbates the index of unemployment. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both perspectives will be examined;
however
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, I share the same opinion as the preceding group. On the one hand, educational background contributes to the modernisation and civilisation process. Graduated
individuals
Use synonyms
 would definitely boost the economy because of two factors.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the quality of education provided at the
university
Use synonyms
 from which he or she graduated plays a vital role.
For example
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, people who have obtained their bachelor's and master's degrees from prestigious foreign educational institutions are accomplished and high-achieving
individuals
Use synonyms
; they have lifelong achievements and are even able to start their own businesses and start-ups.
Secondly
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, students need to consider that the field of study requires necessary practical practices that they can apply in their professional journeys.
On the other hand
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, not all people are fruitful in their occupational directions.
Moreover
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, there is a large proportion of
individuals
Use synonyms
 who finish
university
Use synonyms
 but are unable to prosper and find a suitable job.
For example
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 there are thousands of graduates in the country, approximately half of them cannot find an adequate job
according to
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 their streams of study for several months and even a year after leaving college.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to depression among the youth.
Therefore
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, it is an ordinary issue for a nation. In my opinion, education enriches a person's intelligence quotient and assists in enhancing skills,
such
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 as interpretation, analysis, and rational abilities.
Although
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 education should be the primary factor in people's successful careers, most universities need to be more responsible to students and contribute their primary abilities.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 some hold the assumption that graduating from universities is the main factor for the increase in the index of joblessness, educational institutions should develop practical exercises for students to become accomplished and prosperous
individuals
Use synonyms
 in society.

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structure
Make your thesis clear in the intro. State your view in one clear line.
content
Explain each idea with why it matters and give a real example or data.
coherence
Use simple link words to connect ideas, like first, also, however, as a result, for this reason.
grammar
Check grammar to avoid awkward phrase. Use simple forms and short sentences.
conclusion
Make a strong conclusion that restates your view and sums up main points.
task response
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
coherence
Clear sign posts like On the one hand and On the other hand are in use.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • country
  • people
  • young
  • university
  • study
  • work
  • job
  • jobs
  • money
  • time
  • skill
  • skills
  • plan
  • policy
  • education
  • degree
  • future
  • growth
  • economy
  • help
  • need
  • chance
  • problem
  • solution
  • career
  • experience
  • training
  • debt
  • tax
  • cost
  • match
  • fit
  • demand
  • supply
  • market
  • workforce
  • population
  • government
  • country
  • education
  • student
  • learn
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