IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is high time men ceased to regard women as second class citizen. To what extant do you agree with this statement?

#time #men #women #second #class #citizen
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In
this
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 advantaged epoch graced with humanitarian beliefs,
women
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 are no longer regarded as subordinate denizens. It would be difficult to fathom any portfolio of exclusive privileges that men have possessed from which
women
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 have been excluded, particularly within the wide spectrum of vocational opportunities.
This
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 fortuitously bestowed societal latitude for
women
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 encompasses innate advantages and disadvantages; some of which shall be delineated and expounded upon in
this
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 discourse. To commence, it would be a remarkable revelation to males that
women
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 significantly contribute to the foundational activities of civil society. It is predicated on the notion that
women
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 would
consequently
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 become cognizant of the more onerous tribulations men experience
due to
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 the prodigious responsibilities they bear. To put it differently,
women
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 discern the exigencies and thereby reduce their absurd complaints and inordinate
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 paradigm shift could serve as a rejuvenating downpour for men.
Conversely
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, at the other end of the spectrum,
women
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 who are engrossed in financial, political, and sundry professional pursuits have obscured their inherent maternal essence.
Women
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, intrinsically predisposed to nurturing and childbearing, are no longer compelled to engage in arduous contests to maintain professional stature. In summation,
this
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 nurturing gender ought to have been synergized with
endeavors
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endeavours
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 that are congruent with their innate sensibilities and instincts. Upon contemplation of all the previously stated perspectives, the strenuous contention for parity between the sexes is far from resolved. The discourse over the merits and perceived inferiority of either gender is poised to continue ad infinitum. From my viewpoint, the stipulation of equitable opportunities for
women
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 entails distinctive benefits and detriments;
nevertheless
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, I am inclined to assert that any role should be administered in alignment with the respective proclivities and capabilities of either gender.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure overall, but sometimes the connections between ideas are not immediately clear. Endeavor to use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, make sure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the body of the essay, and firmly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported, they could be developed more. Use more specific examples to fortify your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Your response addresses the essay task, yet it could be more complete. Clearly state if you agree or disagree with the statement prompt, and ensure that your argument is consistently relevant to the specific details of the question.
task achievement
The development of ideas is essential in IELTS writing. Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas in a manner that demonstrates critical thinking and analytical skills. Strive for well-thought-out reasoning to support your main points.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from providing relevant, specific examples to illustrate the points and claims you are making. This adds weight to your arguments and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • second-class citizen
  • gender roles
  • stereotyping
  • misogyny
  • social equality
  • legal rights
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership
  • decision-making
  • cultural portrayals
  • media representation
  • upbringing
  • gender equality
  • advocacy
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