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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

CHILDREN LEARN MORE BY OBSERVING THE BEHAVIOUR OF ADULTS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? GIVE YOUR OPINION WITH RELEVANT EXAMPLES.

#children #behaviour #adults
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Children
 need to know the consequences of their
behavior
 in their early childhood and punishment is essential to teach them about the difference between right and wrong
choices
. In
this
 essay, I would like to discuss to what extent I agree or disagree with
this
 opinion and the type of punishment that should be allowed to be used to get
children
 to know about good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. First and foremost, at an early age,
children
 should learn how to make good
choices
 that will impact later on in their lives. If they opt to not do their homework,
then
 it will make them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals who are not responsible in life.
As a result
, they are going to be punished for wrong
choices
. Other than that, making good
choices
 will make them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the right person in society. Despite giving punishments
sound
Correct subject-verb agreement
sounds
show examples
 a bit cruel for
children
, it is a must for teaching
children
 about the consequences of the actions they have made. Raising their voice when speaking to adults, especially their parents, is not good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Instead
, they should speak in a low soft voice tone to respect elderly people. They should be taught that being rude to others is wrong
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, and parents should give them punishments
such
 as reducing their money for buying snacks at school. In conclusion, I do agree that
children
 should be taught about right and wrong
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that leads them to be a good part of
society
Add an article
the society
show examples
 later in their lives. A small punishment is
also
 needed to discipline them,
such
 as standing in front of the class for pupils who do not finish their homework.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure the topic is directly addressed throughout the essay. It appears that the essay slightly deviates from the given topic at times.
task achievement
Introduce the topic clearly in the introduction and consistently maintain focus on that topic throughout.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that directly support the main points and relate closely to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a logical manner, ensuring each paragraph flows coherently into the next with clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state the topic and summarize the main points to solidify the essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Expand main points with detailed explanations to strengthen the argument and coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imitation
  • Observational learning
  • Role model
  • Social learning theory
  • Behavioral influence
  • Skill acquisition
  • Cognition
  • Socialization
  • Critical thinking
  • Direct instruction
  • Cultural transmission
  • Media influence
  • Norms and values
  • Cognitive development
  • Guidance
  • Active participation
  • Behavioural patterns
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