IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, shopping online is becoming popular because of it’s benefits. For example, the consumers can buy books, air tickets or anything they need on the Internet. There are many advantages of this phenomenon. Beside, the drawbacks of shopping online are also a problem. In my opinion, the benefit of buying things on the internet outweigh the disadvantages.

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In the contemporary era,
due to
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 modern technology, it is easy for
people
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 to do shopping online as
people
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 do not have to go out to buy things which they need as all of the items are available on the internet and it is just one click away. With the development of trend, there are many advantages to the individuals as it saves ample of their
time
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 but
besides
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this
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, there are many pitfalls like we cannot trust the quality of the
products
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 but the merits of
this
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 trend outweigh the drawbacks. The preponderant pitfall is, that sometimes websites show a list of different items on the internet to attract the community to buy things from them but after buying the product
people
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 do not get the exact product they ordered online and the condition of the
products
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 is not very good.
For instance
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, the Shein app is popular all over the world and
people
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 do a lot of shopping for clothes and many more but many of the customers have complained about their
products
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 as the product is low quality and sometimes they have missing
products
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 in the package.
Therefore
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, some online websites give low-quality
products
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 to their customer and charge high costs (shipping cost, handling costs) to the customers.
Whereas
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, there are many merits of online shopping as many individuals have hectic schedules and do not have enough
time
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 to go outside and do shopping remote shopping gives them the option to do shopping from home, the workplace and many more which provides home delivery for their customer which save huge
time
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 of the
people
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.
For example
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, Walmart is offering the option of grocery shopping remotely and delivering it to the customer's homes at no cost which helps many
people
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 to save their
time
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 in shopping.
Hence
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, online shopping gives save
time
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 savages to individuals and gives the option of leisure
time
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 to spend with their family or friends. In conclusion, online shopping does have some merits and drawbacks but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages as it saves ample
time
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 which can be wasted on shopping by going outside.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a basic structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas appears somewhat fragmented and could be enhanced by clearer transitions and a more logical flow of information.
task achievement
While your essay provides an overview of the merits and pitfalls of online shopping, some of the main points could be developed further to fully satisfy the task requirements. Consider expanding on the key ideas and provide a balance between the advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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