University is useful for future career ? to what extent do you agree ?

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In
this
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digital era, many individuals regard the
university
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as the first priority for their long-term career process,
while
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others believe that the desire for employment is not concerned with tertiary education. In
this
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essay, I agree with
this
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statement and will give my opinion with examples.
To begin
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with education, in my perspective, higher education plays a key role for all generations , when it comes to chasing better opportunities,
due to
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requirements of work proficient skills, qualifications or certificates in today rather than in the past in worldwide areas.
In addition
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, the majority of
population
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the population
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desires to become professionals or specialists, engineers and doctors,
as well as
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experts in relevant fields, where high-paid job positions.
Furthermore
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, to achieve their dream work is essential for those who want not only to become white-collars but
also
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well-qualified workers.
As a result
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, many people are interested in learning their respective knowledge from universities which offer numerous degrees and up-to-date techniques of teaching with government support, even though most universities are expensive to attend.
For instance
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, Stanford
University
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, Harvard
University
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and Cambridge
University
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.
On the other hand
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,
although
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many civilians assume that educational institutions are more reliable in choosing future employment, it has challenges.
Nonetheless
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, manual workers or uneducated people,who want to be successful in their respective fields, can be experts in vocational training provided by colleges or organisations
in particular
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workplaces. In conclusion, nowadays, in spite of the fact that universities are vital and helpful for everyone’s needs or future careers, especially as
white-collars
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white collars
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, every human has still
chance
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a chance
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to pick their future developing skills.
Submitted by thurasoe1992.ac on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's structure seems disjointed, with ideas not flowing logically from one to the next. Consider outlining your essay to ensure a more logical progression of thoughts.
coherence cohesion
While both an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully effective in setting up and summarizing the argument. They need to be more comprehensive and directly address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not consistently supported with clear examples or explanations, which leaves the argument feeling underdeveloped. Make sure each point is elaborated upon sufficiently with specific examples or reasoning.
task achievement
Although you have made some attempt to address the task, the response is somewhat generalized and does not fully engage with the prompt. Be sure to take a clear position and support it throughout your response.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Focus on articulating your thoughts more succinctly and ensuring they contribute directly to your argument.
task achievement
You provide examples but they are not always relevant or specifically connected to your argument. Work on integrating examples that directly support and illustrate your main points.
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