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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Giving children an adolescent pocket money is common throughout the world. this goes the advantages and disadvantages of this practice and give your own opinion.

#children #adolescent #pocket #money #world #practice
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It is a common phenomenon for giving
pocket
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money
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 to kids from their parents across the globe. Saving tendency will be increased and financial management
skills
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 might be developed are the merits of giving
money
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 to
children
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,
although
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 there are some demerits of
this
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 trend and
this
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are some advantages of providing
pocket
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money
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 to toddlers. One of the major benefits is
children
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 have to learn the saving tendency from
pocket
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money
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.
This
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 means they will not purchase unwanted stuff like toys
instead
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 they try to save
money
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 to buy useful things. Another benefit is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 financial management
skills
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 will be developed and improved since childhood period
this
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 will help in their future
that
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apply
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how to manage
money
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 without using
I
Correct pronoun usage
what I
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wanted
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
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, these two
skills
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 are
the
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apply
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crucial aspects
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 lives,
therefore
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, they should learn these abilities
since
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from
show examples
 childhood. These are the advantages of providing
pocket
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money
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 to infants.
In contrast
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, there are some drawbacks
of
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to
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 giving
money
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 to infants from mothers and fathers. One of the major disadvantages is adolescents might
use
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 in the wrong
way
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such
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buying
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as by buying
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 drugs because they have
pocket
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money
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whatever
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for whatever
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 they want.
For instance
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, in America, many teens are addicted to
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use
Verb problem
apply
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drugs and they buy from their
pocket
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money
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. To be more precise,
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 early
age
Add a comma
age,
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 they have to
use
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money
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 in the wrong
way
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 rather than a proper
way
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due to
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 they do not understand
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is right and wrong.
Therefore
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, providing cash as
pocket
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money
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brings
Verb problem
has
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 negative effects
among
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on
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 teens.
To conclude
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, giving
pocket
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money
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 to a child is a common trend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere. Saving tendency and financial management
skills
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 can be increased and developed are the benefits of
this
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 phenomenon,
however
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,
children
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 might
use
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money
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 in a wrong and illegal
way
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 is the disadvantage of
this
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 phenomenon.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and indicates that both advantages and disadvantages will be discussed. In addition, a clear opinion should be presented.
task achievement
Work on developing main points more thoroughly with specific examples and clearer explanations in separate paragraphs for each advantage and disadvantage.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas between and within paragraphs, but ensure they are used appropriately to not confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay in a clear, logical manner with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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