Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cases #development

As information

technology

has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

advanced, cameras, messengers, and social media are everywhere, and they record

people

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

without noticing it.

This

development of

technology

has obviously pros and cons, so

people

's opinions on

this

issue are divided. I disagree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that improved

technology

has more advantages than disadvantages.

This

essay will address both views and demonstrate the reason why I am concerned about

technology

development. First of all, being monitored can violate

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

privacy.

For example

, some celebrities

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

hard

Change the article

a hard

show examples

time recovering from negative images

resulted

Wrong verb form

resulting

show examples

from

gossips

Fix the agreement mistake

gossip

show examples

about their private life, when their personal videos, texts, and

voice mails

Correct your spelling

voicemails

show examples

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

leaked by strangers. I believe that the more

record

Correct subject-verb agreement

records

show examples

people

live

Replace the word

lives

show examples

, the more dangerous

possibility

Correct article usage

the possibility

show examples

of leaking is. Since the outcome of privacy violence is irreversible, we should handle the

technology

in a very careful way.

On the other hand

, some

people

think advanced

technology

can prevent crime and

helpful

Add a missing verb

be helpful

show examples

for catching criminals.

For instance

polices

Correct subject-verb agreement

police

show examples

can find

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime evidence by reviewing data

Change preposition

show examples

people

's cell phones, cars,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the Internet, etc.

However

, they should use

this

method carefully, only for figuring out crimes. If

polices

Correct subject-verb agreement

police

show examples

overused

Wrong verb form

overuse

show examples

the

technology

, backfire can be beyond our

expectation

Fix the agreement mistake

expectations

show examples

To sum up

, improved

technology

can play

Change the article

show examples

essential role when protecting society from dangers,

however

, it can be the root cause of another crime for privacy violence. Improvement of

technology

is inevitable, so we should manage and control its danger to use it in a safe way.

Submitted by ywb516 on Thu Jan 04 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, however, it does not fully develop all parts of the task. There is a need to explore the advantages of the technology in a more balanced way to satisfy the requirement of addressing both sides of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay maintains a logical structure, but it can be improved by elaborating on points made and creating better connections between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity and flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

246 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to run a business is within the family, while others find a family-run business unsuccessful. Discuss both opinions and present your own.