Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
As information
technology
has been
advanced, cameras, messengers, and social media are everywhere, and they record Unnecessary verb
apply
people
's life
without noticing it. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
This
development of technology
has obviously pros and cons, so people
's opinions on this
issue are divided. I disagree with
that improved Change preposition
apply
technology
has more advantages than disadvantages. This
essay will address both views and demonstrate the reason why I am concerned about technology
development.
First of all, being monitored can violate individual's
privacy. Correct article usage
an individual's
For example
, some celebrities had
Wrong verb form
have
hard
time recovering from negative images Change the article
a hard
resulted
from Wrong verb form
resulting
gossips
about their private life, when their personal videos, texts, and Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
voice mails
Correct your spelling
voicemails
are
leaked by strangers. I believe that the more Wrong verb form
were
record
Correct subject-verb agreement
records
people
's live
, the more dangerous Replace the word
lives
possibility
of leaking is. Since the outcome of privacy violence is irreversible, we should handle the Correct article usage
the possibility
technology
in a very careful way.
On the other hand
, some people
think advanced technology
can prevent crime and helpful
for catching criminals. Add a missing verb
be helpful
For instance
, polices
can find Correct subject-verb agreement
police
the
crime evidence by reviewing data Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
on
people
's cell phones, cars, and
the Internet, etc. Correct word choice
apply
However
, they should use this
method carefully, only for figuring out crimes. If polices
Correct subject-verb agreement
police
overused
the Wrong verb form
overuse
technology
, backfire can be beyond our expectation
.
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
To sum up
, improved technology
can play a
essential role when protecting society from dangers, Change the article
an
however
, it can be the root cause of another crime for privacy violence. Improvement of technology
is inevitable, so we should manage and control its danger to use it in a safe way.Submitted by ywb516 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response, however, it does not fully develop all parts of the task. There is a need to explore the advantages of the technology in a more balanced way to satisfy the requirement of addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, but it can be improved by elaborating on points made and creating better connections between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity and flow between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.