Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Achieving
success
in career or education has been targeted by many
people
. Actually,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
could provide plenty of
meanings
Fix the agreement mistake
meaning
show examples
to these
people
.
While
others are trying to define the meaning of
success
, I would
also
share my view about being successful, as
this
essay will explain my possession.
Firstly
, the most common goal of targeting a successful life is
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
wealthy.
This
will
also
depend on the community where they are involved, as
people
are doing different
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
show examples
for their livelihood.
For example
,
people
who are working as employees would care about their salaries and career progressions,
while
people
who work in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
sector would prioritize their research and degrees.
As a result
, the
success
orientation of these two sides will be going
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
different directions.
Secondly
, I would say that being successful is an important goal in someone's life.
While
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
would only care about money, wealth, or distinction, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more important
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
such
as helping others. To be more precise, a person who is successful must have certain compassion, so their
success
would be meaningful. As an example,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
richest man in the world gives some of his fortune to unfortunate
people
in order to fight against poverty. In conclusion, A
success
status could
elaborate
Verb problem
have
show examples
different meanings within
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Success
can be defined as living a complete life as
people
are able to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
their goals.
However
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success
is not just for some individuals, it must be for everybody.
In addition
, in order to solve the world's problem we need these successful
people
to be involved.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay seems to partially meet the requirements of the task. However, lack of specific examples to support your points and incomplete exploration of the topic prevented a higher score in task achievement. Ensure each main point is substantiated with relevant, illustrative examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay requires improvement. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that there is a seamless transition between your ideas. Aim to present information in a manner that demonstrates clear progression from one concept to another.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: