In order to be successful in sport, some people think you have to be physically strong. Others say that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over how to be fruitful in sport.
While
some claim that people have to be
physical
Replace the word
physically strong
show examples
strength
, the opposite makes a statement that
mentally
Add a missing verb
being mentally
show examples
strong plays a more crucial role in sports . In my opinion,
while
each has its own perk , I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, excellent physical health is a necessity for all athletes.It goes without saying that in order to pursue successful careers in sports, athletes must have outstanding physical
strength
and stamina that can endure long-term intensive training and harsh competitions that require them to use their
strength
for many hours with little time for rest. The importance of physical ability is demonstrated when a young aspiring player defeats an older and more experienced opponent
due to
better physical power.
Moreover
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
players will not be able to achieve great achievements unless they have a positive mental attitude.
In addition
, when confronted with large hurdles and severe pressures that are unavoidable in sporting events, it is a strong attitude that helps individuals overcome them, as it may have a significant influence on physical
strength
. A perfect example is a runner who, after suffering a serious injury, is still able to cross the finish line because he has a strong mentality, which allows his entire potential
strength
to be realized. In conclusion, both mental and physical health play indispensable roles in the accomplishments of a sportsman.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Supported main points
Try to enrich your essay with more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points. While you've provided a clear stance and satisfactory examples, integrating direct, sports-related incidents or studies could further strengthen your argument.
Complete response
Consider expanding your conclusion to encapsulate not only a restatement of your viewpoint but also a brief summary of the key arguments presented in the essay. This will enhance the overall impact and completeness of your conclusion.
Logical structure
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions between ideas to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. Utilizing a broader range of connectives and syntactical variations can make your writing more engaging and coherent.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, followed by a clear personal opinion, which is exactly what the prompt asks for.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well to ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for a compelling argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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