IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those crimes?

#countries #amount #crime #crimes
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In several places, the number of illegal cases is becoming more and more. Crime breaks the peace of the public and puts majorities in danger situation.
This
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 essay will clarify both the reasons behind that and propose some possible steps to solve
this
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 problem. Job loss and immigration boost are two main factors that raise the number of crime cases. Unemployees might make money through illegal approaches because they can get money faster than finding new work.
Therefore
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, there are more illegal cases than before. Apart from that, immigration is another reason that brings more crime. Newcomers usually have less connection with the new society,
not to mention
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 responsibility. There is a chance that without considering the consequences of their harmful behaviours, they may choose shortcuts to create money, causing danger to communities.
On the other hand
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, the following approaches can certainly help.
For example
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, ensuring employee insurance can cover part of an individual's daily basic costs which may ease the financial difficulties, and the law system should supervise workers' insurance.
Moreover
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, it suggests that the government should provide free information, including job, rental and school, supporting relocations.
Therefore
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, it helps individuals develop a sense of belonging to society, increasing social cohesion. I n conclusion, an illegal case has several causes, but its impact can be mitigated if the aforementioned measures are adopted.
Submitted by careyche on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression in your ideas. This essay's structure appears somewhat disorganised, which affects the overall clarity. Try to connect your ideas more seamlessly and present them in a logical order that is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion and introduction are present, but the introduction could be improved by rephrasing the prompt more effectively and by providing a clearer thesis statement. The conclusion could also be expanded to summarise the main points more fully.
coherence cohesion
While main points are present, they need to be further developed and supported by more varied and detailed examples. Consider providing specific instances or data where appropriate to bolster your main points.
task achievement
Your essay needs to completely address all parts of the task. Be sure to develop a balanced answer that covers both causes and solutions to the problem of increasing crime. The solution section of your response should be as developed as the cause section.
task achievement
You should aim to present clear, comprehensive ideas that directly address the question prompt. Consider refining your main points for clarity, and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea which is elaborated upon and directly related to the question.
task achievement
Using relevant, specific examples is essential in supporting your main points and demonstrating the validity of your arguments. Try to include real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that directly illustrate your points regarding crime causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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